How Liza Got Her Waist Back

life and dealing with it

2009-01-20T08:36:00.002+08:00

i baked a beef pie for the first time yesterday. it took me 2.5 hrs and i had to add various things at three different intervals. nt sure i wld do that again on a weekday but decided to yesterday anyway because we all needed a little food for the soul. we had something rather unfortunate happen to us last week, which explains the lack of an update here, and we've been trying to be strong and stay possitive. hey, at least we are healthy. we've just gotta learn from this experience and move on. we haven't been to the gym much, which i'm not too bummed out about as we really were shell shocked almost. but we have been eating really well. hoping to get the exercise going again from today so it can get rid of some of the stress. we are gonna get through this together and we'll be stronger for it

2009-01-12T06:55:00.003+08:00

b'fast:

5 mini 6-grain crackers with lite cream cheese, tuna and boiled pumpkin

tea

1 blood plum

dinner

2009-01-11T19:04:00.003+08:00

went back for second servings of salad and a small piece of chicken. it was yummy, realtivly healthy and the best part was that the oven did most of the work!

baby steps

2009-01-11T17:51:00.002+08:00

the hubby and i have been to the gym 4 times this week. i am proudest of the fact that i even worked out on my birthday! i feel so much more energized and upbeat after havig started working out again. we both don't do beyond what we're capable of in the gym, to ensure that we are comfortably sore post-workout. diet-wise i have made a conscious effort to mix up the menu and include some baked items, stir frys and salads into our previously curry-in-coconut milk laden diet. but we still do have the curry but it's cooked healthier. the hubby has been surprisingly welcoming to the change. he even had wheat bix and an egg white omelette this morning. i guess he is seeing that healthier food need not be devoid of taste. i'm glad he is being so supportive; it's made taking that first step towards a better quality of life easier, knowing that he's gonna be taking the step with me :)

simple equation

2009-01-09T09:14:00.002+08:00

(family not included)

baker's delight...NOT!

2009-01-09T08:54:00.004+08:00

these are but some of the baked goods i've been producing. they were absolutely gorgeous to eat but having them laying about in the kitchen meant that portion control went out of the window. now i only bake anything sweet when i know it's going out of the house (prettty much) as soon as it comes out of the oven.

that having been said, i don't indend to omit dessert from my life completely. just to proceed with caution. i want to feel in control of what i put in my mouth, not the other way around. so smaller portions as well as trying to include fresh fruit whenever possible will lead to sweet success i'm hoping

how i wanna live my life

2009-01-06T08:45:00.002+08:00

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.

-mary anne radmacher

inspiration

2009-01-05T10:08:00.002+08:00

Was blog-hopping and came across this one where the author gives her opinion on the recent O magazine article...

"The thing that we both forgot, that most of us don't realize, is that we can't just grab onto the new set of circumstances and hold on for dear life. We have to keep moving forward, keep letting go, keep rolling with new circumstances. That's why weight maintenance is so hard, I think. It's easier to take risks to move toward a big exciting goal and an imagined better life. It's harder to keep living in the present when you realize it's not just one big shining moment where you feel great all the time. You can't 'conquer this battle once and for all,' you can just keep living and working through your new stuff."

Never was a truer word said

trying to focus on the journey, not the destination

2009-01-04T15:56:00.002+08:00

just returned frm the gym with the hubby. due to a change in priorities after moving in together, both of us have seen our wedded bliss reflected in increasing waistlines. yikes. not that either of us finds the other any less attractive with a little more junk in the trunk, so to speak, but it's affecting our energy levels pretty badly. not to mention my menstrual cycle.

so we've decided to take action now before we reach the point of no return. we're gonna start going regularly to the gym and i'm gonna make better choices in the kitchen. as soon as i got married i wanted to impress my husband with my culinary ability and often made things like quiches, and curries cooked with ghee and coconut milk and not to mention cake for dessert.

but like they say the most difficult part of making significant change in your life is to take the first step. and that we have. so it can only be upward frm here...

new year, new beginings

2009-01-03T21:14:00.002+08:00

2008 was a monumental year in my life to say the least. not only did i get married but i also uporooted, leaving behind my family, friends and a way of life i had become accustomed to. it was a year where i did a lot of learning and growing up. but i'm better and stronger for it.

with the many changes coming my way i haven't made myself a priority. time to raise my socks, only metaphorically of course as i much prefer wearing mine around the ankle thank you very much. time to regroup. time to cut the excuses and make it happen. i've been watching far too many 'dick flics' as u can tell. will keep updating on how it's going...

sweating up a storm

2008-04-29T23:25:00.002+08:00

hola. it's been so freaking hot these days. for someone who doesn't usually sleep with the fan on or even the windows too far ajar to be sayin it's hot...man. have been feeling a bit kumse-kumsa these coupla days. it's way too early for it to be periods that's for sure. i weighed myself yesterday and to my surprise discovered that i'm now 70kg. hmmm. i was having one of those fat weeks so it was a bit unexpected that i'd dropped a kilo. i wanted to really hit it after returning from sri lanka with the exercise i have to say that though i have made it a point to get moving there hasn't been much routine to the process. last week was the worst, having worked out only once! so the plan is to take things slow and gradually up the ante. i'd rather work out for 20 min 4 days a week than 11/2 hrs just once. have started food logging since yesterday. am determined to keep it up. of late, seeing as how i will be getting married soon and all, certain comments have made me look at my body, far from the fittest it's been but hardly the (to quote my brother) 'beached whale' it once was, with well i'm ashamed to say disgust. and then i re-read this book 'bet me' by jennifer cruise. it may be a work of fiction but it's got nuggets of truth that'll do so many women so much of good to hear. firstly some things like the natural inclinations of your body are, unless you've got harry potter in your pocket, almost impossible to change. so stop fighting it and embrace what's good about it and dress to celebrate it. mine tends to gravitate towards being soft,round and lush. i don't ever wanna be a skinny bitch, because neither of that's me (ha modesty i tell ya). besides, i enjoy having cleavage to burn. i just wanna be strong and healthy. i AM perfect, just imperfectly so. i'd love myself even if i don't drop an inch. the exercising and healthy eating is NOT so i can fit into a size 10, but rather a commitment to giving the body the nutrition and time it deserves to be the best it can be...because i'm worth it damn it!

the wedding cronicles

2008-04-13T23:35:00.003+08:00

i have been a-photo selecting people! they were fabulous. really. i had trouble believing the gorgeous-looking person was me (with only like six inches of make-up of course)...and they hadn't been edited as yet, so i can imagine what the final product is gonna be like. having to pick 50 shots from like 300 is not exactly fun, but i'm sure i won't be complaining in a month, which is how long it'll take till the albums are ready. weee. so excited la! we've also decided to purchase the soft copy so i'll be able to put some up here.

also picked up both imthie's and my attire for the big day. my boobs look majorly impressive, which is always good.though i was a bit apprehensive at first due to how much the kits were gonna cost i have to say that in the end we got what we paid for.i even bought shoes to match.

aren't they pweety? and the heel length is knee- friendly.

will be working till the end of this month, after which i'll be getting packed up for the big move. and hopefully i'll be master chef, like the husband. heh. things are slowly beginning to fall into place and am telling myself to not stress out as yet. there is time for that as yet. like when it's time to learn the waltz. yikes. not looking forward to that one...in another 2 1/2 months i'll be a fully fledged married woman. it just boggles the mind man...

striking a pose

2008-03-31T10:22:00.004+08:00

hey! after a very busy but productive three weeks am happy to report that i'm still in one piece. got back to singapore on wed. imthie arrived two hours after me. thurs we were busy with a photo shoot, as u can see from the pictures my mum managed to capture with her phone. friday was spent with us having a fit-on for the wedding outfits and then shopping, as imthie had to leave sat morning :( most of the wedding details, like the cards and flowers have been seen to,which is somewhat a relief. after mailing out the invites a large part of the stress would be over with... for now i'm gonna light some aromatherapy candles and take a chill pill. have a great week ppl

my weekend

2008-02-26T20:31:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since i put some photos up. these are from the weekend when the mum-in-law was here for a passing visit. the good news is that my room is finally clean! did 30 min on the elliptical machine yesterday and had some random person come up to me to check if i was feeling faint. i kid u not! well onward n upward i guess...

where'd february go?

2008-02-20T23:15:00.002+08:00

...cos it seems to have passed me by. the mom-in-law will be in town for a flying visit. so need to get my room sorted and i have all of a day to get it done. rammed my foot into a pillar whilst playing catch with the kids yesterday and now my middle toe has turned all purple-y and is so agonisingly painful. that's what happens when you go barefoot while playin. i knew i should've listened to my mommy.

bought a killer evening-ish dress yesterday. for the wedding maybe. it's very much like the dress jLo wore in 'maid in manhattan' but in watermelon pink. only problem is what to do for sleeves, or the lack thereof rather. hoping to find a matching bolero. if not a shawl will have to do.

have started packing. well kinda. only shoes at the moment but i guess that's a good place to start. threw out pairs that were broken, didn't fit, hurt like hell, or had generally seen better days.

i know it's become a running theme of late but seriously there's so much that needs to get done, it's really not fair when days and months go disappearing on us...

quickie

2008-02-05T08:53:00.000+08:00

just dropping by to let u all know how things've been. work as usual is an all-consuming experience. have been managing to squeeze in the occasional workout. the food is easy on most days but there are those crazy chocolate cravings in between. we might go the DIY route for wedding invites so been busy looking around craft shops trying to get inspired. school's closed starting tomorrow so looking forward to a 5 day break. can u say yipee??

the bearable lightness of being...

2008-01-27T00:29:00.000+08:00

in a little less than a week i'm one kilo lighter! booya...whatever that means. looking back i wanna belittle and berate myself for taking so manys steps backwards when i had already made so much headway and had the end target in sight. i mean i was 64kg man. now i'm trying to get back in the 60s. am 71 at the moment. but i guess now i appreciate the little benefits that come with a healthier lifestyle. i had forgotten almost how lethargic and grumpy being sedentry makes you. and i know now how important it is to watch yourself closely, especially when you think you've got the whole being healthy routine down, for that's when you can get complacent and slip up. i've learnt my lesson as painful as it's been.

caught the movie 27 dresses with az today. the funny thing was throughout the entire movie i was making little mental notes bout things from the movie that might work in my wedding. talk about being a psycho bride. today was the first day that it all got a little overwhelming for me. what i find stressful is when such a big deal is made out of something like a colour or god forbid a shade of a colour. the perfect ingredients for a tension headache. i'm gonna go make a list of all the things i need to do and list out all the ideas in my head so it doesn't feel like martha stewart's stuck in there. seriously people. elope.

sore n satisfied

2008-01-23T21:40:00.000+08:00

have been at eating healthily and working out regularly, after a 4 month slump, for two weeks now. have almost missed the sore muscles. not to mention cooking my own food. so far not much effect on the scales but am feeling much less bloated and man oh man is it having an effect on my bowels.

on other fronts i was reminded of why i'm so in love with my husband. you get mad snaps for trying so hard to stay awake :) and it's made such a difference too. though it's something i'm not not used to yet, i'm glad that i can talk bout anything and everything with you.

like all girls my age i first fell hard and fast for heath ledger having watched ten things i hate bout you. his death is shockin. the guy's so hot that he turned me on in brokeback mountain. a pity for the cinematic world...but oh well i guess sh*t happens.

2008-01-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

i must have thought about you a million times over. it's pathetic. and depressing. and frustrating. i hate being upset but not knowing what about exactly. i hate feeling so unlike myself; so needy; so dependent on another for my own happiness. and it's being unfair to you too. from now on i'm gonna be making me a priority as well. so i don't feel as though i spent the entire day just waiting for you. though on most days i'd say the wait was worth it, sometimes it just leaves me wanting...
maybe i'll feel differently in the morning after some carbohydrates.

still here

2008-01-16T10:59:00.000+08:00

just dropping by to say a quick hello and that all is well. started the gym routine this week. so far so good. enjoying the sore muscles at the moment. have so much toning up to do before the wedding in july. not gonna stress about it, just gonna take it one step at a time. watching more carefully as Din fiddles with the various knobs and levers so i can do it myself later. am doing two sessions of resistance and three cardio sessions a week. don't wanna start with too much for the knee so have been doing 20 min of low impact cardio. so far no pain in the knee. hopefully it stays that way.
can't believe how quickly time is passing us by. jan's almost over. six more months. the crazy thing is that love makes all that i have to leave behind bearable...

2007-12-12T18:25:00.000+08:00

had a rather busy weekend. sat was graduation concert and a fun fair afterwards. i worked only some 12hrs that day. sunday was spent with the family. we watched enchanted, much to my brother's dismay. it wasn't exactly epic stuff but at the same time it satisfied the little girl in me. i guess we're never to old for fairy tales. monday was a holiday for us and i spent it in jb looking for wedding dresses as well as invitation cards. most of the dresses were extremely pouffy. my entire bridal party could probably hide beneath my can-can. the one in the picture below was the one i liked the most but it was a strapless while i'm looking for something with sleeves for obvious reasons. so the search continues. invitation cards on the other hand were easier. we're gonna get them blank and have em printed in sri lanka. i like the cream n gold one in the second pic the best, though the others are understatedly elegant too. decisions decisions. when i think about how much more there is to do it does get a little overwhelming but i'm glad that both imthie and i are on the same page about the kind of wedding we want ;ie simple, and also for my super-efficient mother-in-law who 's been doing all the coordinating on the other end. ok have got loadsa marking to do. ..will update on the progress. love u guys :)

Love is....

2007-12-01T20:37:00.000+08:00

when you commute one and a half hours just so you can say goodnight to your wife. I love you darling!

vivo-ed out

2007-12-01T20:10:00.000+08:00

met up with some of the girls after like 3 weeks. man. that's gotta be a record.even then could only spend like ten min with shrek. sorry for being a kuntut gah-jeh la babe, but it's three hours ahead for the poor hubby la. can't wait till we all go to bintan and giggle ourselves silly. looking forward being away from work for more than two days as well :) wore a really cute pair of wedges for the first time today. from jb of course. malaysia definitely boleh...buat kasut at least.

hehe. bought three cardigans from zara in very cheery colors. tis the season to be jolly after all. hoping to go for a haircut tomorrow but it'll depend on what time i wake up. some of us are lucky enough to be at the races. well i can't complain much, a little retail therapy's good too...

tired

2007-11-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

today was a toughie. not so much because of the kids, who were away at camp learning to be young entrepreneurs, but because of the amount of work that needs to get done with the new yr looming upon us. every yr the relevant ministry carries out spot checks on centres like ours to ensure that everything is as it should be. sigh. which basically means a whole loada work. i hope the spot-check occurs before the end of the year so i can take leave in jan when i'll be turning 24. damn. that'll take a while to digest.

it's funny how upon learning i'll be moving to australia soon, everyone in school is giving me cooking lessons. one of the aunties taught me to make herbal chicken soup (though i doubt imthie'll much fancy the idea of white fungus) yesterday whilst a teacher was teaching me all kinds of stir-fry combis (so difficult i tell ya :) ) i wonder what my mum haws i store for me over the weekend but i'll be sure to post pictures of whatever it is.

have not exercised at all for the last three days. my left knee was hurting really badly after two consecutive days of running. could hardly walk on it yesterday but it's doing much better today, so hoping to get myself off my rather generous behind tomorrow.

i can hardly keep my eyes open at the moment and its barely past 10pm. i must be getting old. need to be at work at 8.30 tomorrow. i miss being able to wake up at noon. those were some good times...

feeling the love

2007-11-27T01:17:00.000+08:00

first of all thank you to the many people who left congratulatory messages. it was a real pick-me-up, especially since i've been missing the hubby something bad. lemme explain the current situation; we're officially married as we've ROM-ed in Singaporean speak. however, we're not gonna live together till after the reception, which is the big wedding banquet to be held next july, if all goes well. so for the moment i'm in singapore whilst imthie's in melbourne. we're doing the phone thing, which has it's moments but can get you down at times too.

thankfully i started working almost immediately after he left which i think i owe a large part of my present sanity to. work has been unpredictable, something anyone who works with kids on a daily basis will tell you. overall i really enjoy being with the kids, who can be difficult when they wanna be but it's all forgotten when they give you a hug or one of their killer smiles. the love they so readily give you makes you wonder what the world would be like if more adults would do the same.

another thing i've been using this time to do (other than learning to cook) is to try to get back on the fitness track. though its been very slow going, i think i can finally say that i seem to be heading in that direction. it took some time for me to believe i could do it but when you just go thru the motions initially, then you realise that you're body is not that much different even though a few kilos heavier and seeing how much better you feel after, you just wanna keep on going. yes i wanna look my best for the wedding in july, but i'm not gonna starve myself or become obsessed with numbers on the scale. i wanna reign myself in because i worked really really hard to get where i am and to just become complacent and resort to old habits would be a pity. i need to make exercise and healthy eating a part of my daily routine, so i will continue them even after i join imthie in melbourne.

so what have i done so far that's inspired such a lengthy post?? nothing much really, but i'm in a positive frame of mind and it took me a while to get here. i have cut out carbs during dinner, which means i often go to bed with a slight rumble in the tummy, which strangely enough is a rather comforting feeling. and today i made my own salad, something i haven't done in ages.i've started moving again too. on friday i did 20 min on the bike. it was a short workout but i really pushed myself. then sunday and today i went for a run. sometime next week i'm gonna see if i can work shorter hours so that i can add sessions with din too. i'm taking a slower approach this time around. and giving myself snaps as i go along :)

taking baby steps to becoming a domestic diva

2007-11-18T18:15:00.000+08:00

i've been sayin ever since the prospect of getting married (ok some two months ago) became even remotely possible that i was going to learn to cook from my mum. well today i actually did. there's a sri lankan malay dish called pittu (pit-too) that the hubby can't get enough of, and therefore naturally was first on the list of dishes to master. its basically a mixture of rice,coconut and flour that is steamed in a somewhat err phalic shaped device. it is not that hard to make but does take a month of sundays. the effort is definitely worth it though cos the combination of the pittu with any curry and a onion n chilli sambal is simply orgasmic. i also learnt to make these accompanying dishes of course. here's some pictorial evidence that i'm not shitting you. have a good week folks and will keep you posted on my other culinary achievements :)
p/s:i think i got the domestic diva part down, next time i should prolly dress the part tho. hehe.

the in-laws

2007-11-15T13:41:00.001+08:00

mummy and daddy-in-law

second sis-in-law

elder sis-in-law and her super cute son

the registration (the day i became a mrs)

2007-11-15T13:34:00.000+08:00

2007-11-15T13:29:00.001+08:00

2007-11-15T13:19:00.000+08:00

pic1- sayin farewell at changi airport

pic2-mr n mrs mahamooth :)

pic3-spoilt rotten by the mother-in-law

pic4-meeting the friends for the first time, is it any wonder someone looks nervous

pic5-our fascination with immy's cat; bubbles

meet and greet

2007-10-24T19:29:00.000+08:00

greetings from sometimes sunny island of sri lanka. monsoon season is upon us and its been raining gallons. been catching up with the relatives and revisiting the food that i've missed. take my advise for those of u who might someday tie the knot, elope- its kinder on the wallet and ur saved the trouble of the many sqaubbles that are bound to occur when deciding on issues such as colour and food. god. i just wanna officially become mrs mahamooth, i don't give two hoots what flowers you put with the black n mustard tablecloth!sigh. i think i need a massage. the fact that my wisdom tooth is playing up isn't helping.

thus we've chosen the location for the registration dinner as well as the menu. we're also catering a meet and greet dinner at one of my aunt's place. we'll be checking out a few hotels for the wedding banquet next yr as well as looking into invitations and bridesmaids stuff. lucky imthie, he'll be here on the 31st when most of the leg work would've already been done.

oh! i forgot. i met imthie's family the day after we arrived. i know it's highly unconventional to not have met ur intented husband's folks till a few days before you get married. but well as azira said convetional is boring.i was so nervous before but we got on famously. they've got a cat like princess too! i've got pictures but unfortunately no usb cable so it'll have to wait.one of my biggest concers at the moment is that my cousins will inflict too much bodily harm on imthie when gets here. i'm hoping too that we get thru this without my mother having a nervous breakdown. pray for us..missing you guys la!!

almost time

2007-10-19T10:10:00.000+08:00

its been a busy week. getting things together is harder than it seems. can't wait for sunday when i finally get to sleep on the flight. for 3.5 hrs anyway. haven't been able to hit the gym this week. but trying to be careful with the food. its been a uphill struggle but i pat myself on the back when i stop at or two kuehs instead of having the whole bottle. the boy has lost some 5 kilos and wanted to know how much i'd lost. i was like hehe, none.

in other news got a brazilian yesterday. whilst not nearly as painful as extraction during a facial, its not for the faint of heart. but the results are worth it i think.

gotta go get some IT stuff for a cousin back home. sigh. men n their preoccupation with gadgets. love to all. will post pics as soon as possible. see you guys soon! hasta-luego amigos

working on my fitness

2007-10-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

you know when you have one of those when you're tired for no reason. a blah day so to speak. today was one of those. didn't help that i had training with din. tried my best to get myself in the zone but ended up whining mostly. if my muscles worked half as much as my mouth i'm sure i'd be closer to where i need to be :) but regardless i love how you feel all your muscles after a weight-training session. even as i type i'm aware of my aching triceps. i guess its that awareness that i've missed mostly.

went to jb yesterday to buy kuehs for the mum. it wasn't even remotely cheap with 8 containers amounting to bout $100. couldn't resist (yet another ) pair of wedges. these ones were strappy gold n black that'll be perfect with baju kurungs. that'll be my last pair in a while i promise. bought a coupla t-shirts as well so i don't flash the poor unsuspecting kids at school too often in my low cut tops. and most excitingly they were having a sale on vanity fair lingerie and i bought 3 bras that do amazing things for the girlies and at only 15 ringit each! i have to say tho that the malaysian experience isn't quite the same when you remove eating from the equation.

am working till the end of the week afterwhich i'll be on leave for a week to make sure i get everything sorted before leaving for sri lanka. will be seeing the bf in 21 days. yes i am counting down, so bite me. seriously, i might actually enjoy it. heh. to kick off my transition into domestic godess i learnt how to make chilli beef spagetti. sigh. so many dishes so little time.

am hoping the days go quickly by. selamat hari raya puasa to all my muslim friends in case i don't update my blog for a while. love ya guys :)

viva la france!

2007-10-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

sport teaches one many an important life lesson. yesterday's rugby world cup taught us never count anyone out till the final whistle is blown. oh and of course that french men are divine. the french came from behind to beat the tournament favourites new zealand. do they have a hakka for when they get their asses wupped?? apologies to the many all blacks fans out there but i've got a soft spot underdogs.

in other excting domestic news spring cleaning in full force at home what with the festival a mere week away. seriously where did these last three weeks go?? there's actually enough room in the storeroom now to fit more than a foot in. i had forgotten that the wardrobe in there had a mirror. was supposed to pop in to jb to get some kueh but the late night watching rugby kinda negated that possibility.

spent saturday getting the shop on with azzy-bazzy. sigh. now if only everyday was that fun. but then of course we would quickly run out of shoe space. talking of shoes i've confessed my fondness for them to immy, who says the rule of the house is gonna be that for every new pair purchased two are gonna have to be gotten rid of. but he's open to creative use of negociation of course :) i've bought three pairs this month alone. two wedges and a pair of gold ballet flats. le sigh.

ok i've got two weeks before i leave for sri lanka. looking to step up the workout routine, especially after fasting. gonna go on the no-carb-at-night diet. and start the food log again. i'm at peace with my body at this point but miss the tone and muscle definition. will get there again with a little more time in the gym and waching what i put in my mouth. i'm now 68kg, looking to go down to 60kg by next july. so watch this space.

rediscovering my pain thresholds

2007-09-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

after much consideration i've got meself a few more sessions with my trainer din. this time around i'm gonna pay careful attention to the exercises he puts me thru. its been three sessions in and already i feel muscles i haven't in a while. lets just say i feel my chest in a whole new way. amazingly having started working out the food has begun to sort itself out too. not that its got healthier, but the portion sizes are about right. now if i can squeeze in a few more salads it'll all be dandy.

as somone who has been larger than average their whole life and who's always been reminded of that fact it seems, its somewhat confusing when u meet someone who actually likes the bits you've been trying to get rid of. for example, i never looked at my love handles with anything other than disgust but now i'm like hmmm....maybe i could live with them after all. its not that i needed affirmation about my body. who am i kidding?? i suppose on a certain level we all need affirmation. i had already reached a point where i was comfortable with my body but having someone love my err- for lack of better word -droopy bits as well just makes me wanna love em too.

oh. have i mentioned that i'm gettin married?? haha. for real too. i guess you could say i fell with my head first, then my heart...and then err other things. the mystery man's name is imthikhab but he answers to imthie. i like calling him immy, which i think makes him sound like a cat. and i certainly like my felines. for the moment we're giving the long distance thing a shot. he knows more dirty jokes than i do, which in itself is quite a feat. but its damn depressing after a few weeks honestly. as is the fact that he's two hrs ahead. when i'm just gettin into out late night chats, he's halfway in la-la land. and when he calls at 6 in the morning before leaving for work i can barely formulate words at that point, much less actually have a decent conversation. but all that being said, i do wait for his calls. but since i switched to a free incoming mobile plan i have resumed being exactly that (mobile that is). love is a very strange thing indeed.

all the mush is somewhat nauseating i know but aint appologizing. i've had my share of sadness these coupla years and am thankful to the greater powers that be for the change of scenery. here are a coupla pictures of immy and me. ta-ta till the next time loves ...

happy days

2007-09-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

finally met up with the gang yesterday. caught up on the goings on in each others lives whilst doing the usual eating and shoppin. shrek got her hair cut into a bob and looks oh so posh. all she has to do is find her own becks. but then again i guess charles has his own merits...

nadal, serena and venus are out of the us open. i think i brought them bad luck seeing as how they got that far into the tournament without me. the moment i started watching they got their asses kicked.

the near week at work was uneventful. the kids are not as much a shock to the system as when i first started. i have been out for a run only once. need to start doing that more often. haven't really had time for my korean drama obsession. caught half of coffee prince on veoh but yet to see how it ends.

my cat duchess had been missing some five days before we returned. have been trying to look for her but to no avail. at four this morning my cousin had been looking out of my room window when he thought he saw her at the playground below. so both he and I went in search of her and we found her! she's always been very vocal but she spent the whole night whining and complaining. haha. she's not gonna let us forget the ordeal she's been through for a while yet.

in case i don't post again for a while, er which surprisingly does happen, happy fasting to all the muslims out there!

working girl

2007-09-04T18:27:00.000+08:00

started at the childcare as of today. the kids are much easier to handle when u know what to expect. didn't realise how much i missed the kids. most of the tiny tots i used to teach can now speak, and not just baby-talk.

have put on 4 kilos in the last coupla months. gonna start running again, so that i won't embarass myself too much during the 5k run in october. fasting is around the corner too. looking forward to it. am actually very tired having just returned frm work, but i must get my (by now abundant) bum into my exercise tights. it just dawned on me that for the first time in god knows how long i haven't caught any of the US open. hope venus, serena and my boy nadal haven't ben ousted as yet.

auckland adventures

2007-08-30T13:46:00.001+08:00

mummy and I hopped over to new zeland for a little more than a day to say hello to my uncle and his family in auckland. they've got the cutest bunnies. it wasn't nearly as cold as i thought it'd be but the wind was a bitch. enjoy the photos.

be still my beating heart

2007-08-16T13:01:00.000+08:00

they say the first time is always special. i guess that's why every phonecall leaves me with a foolish grin on my face. being romanced definitely is one of life's pleasures. almost as good chocolate. who knew. but then again the rational part of my brain's telling me that i need to go slow and not to rush into anything blindly.

what i really need on the other hand is to start spending more time in the gym . hope to enter a running event in oct with grace and sharm. nothing overtly ambitious just a 5k but at the level i am now even that would be pushing it. just on an interesting note i just discovered that a packet of instant noodles has as much calories as a murtabak! i would rather a murabak anyday. have to start eating more cleanly. sigh. i keep sayin that but its tough when ur eating with family members who don't really have healthy eating as a priority. i shall strive for small steps. am almost glad that fasting is approaching.

got a facial the other day and damn i think i looked way better before. when the lady was extracting my blackheads (basically a roundabout way of sayin squeezing pimples) i literally was whimpering frm the sheer agony of the experience. and i've got major breakout to show for surviving the ordeal. i have new found respect for those who put themselves thru this on a regular basis.

life altering decisions n such

2007-08-13T11:39:00.000+08:00

this blog has not seen much action in recent months but in times like these its comforting to know it exists. things have been kinda slow of late. the korean madness has waned just a little. went on a trip recently and had a blast. after returning home there have been new developments shall we say and its been exciting as well as scary. i've realised all over again how important my friends are and how much they care. its really quite touching. thank you so much guys, you know i love y'all.

been a while my loves

2007-07-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

hmm. blogging began to lose its appeal since the discovery of video streaming sites. but then i realise that the latter has put a halt on many other aspects of my life too. gyming for example. its been about two weeks since i last worked out. mostly because when i start streaming a new drama series its hard to drag myself away from the computer. and some 16 hrs, and several cups of coffee later, i'm too zombied out to even think about getting my kit together. and the diet has also been really bad. so basically i have all but reverted to being a slob. i know my lifestyle these past coupla months has been crap but its time to stop just complaining bout it and to take charge again. why the sudden slump?? well its that time in my life where looking for employment has been taking centre stage and the fact that the results thus far haven't been particularly encouraging has been kinda stressing me out. i guess this whole drama-addiction has been a method of avoiding reality. but well that can only go on for so long. i think its time i start getting back on track in terms of getting writing again as well as putting my sneakers to good use again.

the belly has started to re-emerge. exercising is not an option for me. it has to become a necessity like eating or drinking. i can do it. i must do it. rain will just have to be a treat from now on...

running with it

2007-05-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

no real reason for the two pictures. purely for aesthetic reasons :) for those of you who haven't hopped on the ugly betty bandwagon, that's the yummylicious eric mabius. and the fabio-gone-right is marlon brando's son, tuki. poor chap. what's up la with these celebrities and their tendency to give their kids weird names. prolly think its off-beat. well he may share his name with many a feathered friend, but tuki turned out quite well. that makes him sound like a muffin doesn't it? come to think of it he is, isn't he-of the stud variety that is. hah. (i've had one coffee too many, can u tell?) and he's only 17 or something so here's hoping he'll grow out of his romance hero phase.

neways the move-the-butt plan is in full gear. been running round the estate for four days now. my leg and butt muscles are in agony, oh but what sweet agony it is. been using of of the bro's gadgets too. there's one that works the core as well as the upper body, and dayum...after four sets of 15 reps yesterday i was literally whimpering. my mum came out of her room to the hall to see what was going on. she said she thought my brother was trying to commit suicide or something and came to check. haha. i don't even think she meant it to be funny. at the moment i run five rounds outside (abt 4km) in 30min, hoping to bring that(the time) down first and then increase the distance. i haven't been weight-training tho and i get lazy even just thinking bout it now. but i know that i need to retain the muscle mass that i warked so hard to build up in the first place, so that my cardio hrs can be as efficient as possible.

on a sidenote i feel like the protagonist in 'little house of horror'. u know where the talking plant with a particular fondness for blood, keeps going "feed me seymore, FEED ME". i'd like to think the increase in appetite is due to an increased metabolic rate now that i've started working out again, but it may be due to a lack of sleep (video streaming evil). i read in some fitness magazine that adequate sleep is a key indicator in how successful someone who has lost weight is gonna be in keeping it off. apparently not getting enough shut-eye hinders the production of a hormone which communicates to the brain that you're full. so in other words not only do you resemble a panda but ur constantly stuffing ur face as well. hmmm. certainly something to consider. i don't think i can go cold turkey off the dramas, but i think i'll limit myself to two the latest. gotta start somewhere rite.

on yet another sidenote, american idol was da bomb today. blake oh blake, how you make my heart shake. not only is the boy fine but he can sing too. i don't know which i like better, the sexy raspy parts or the mean beatbox bit. le sigh. excuse me, its that time of the month where i'm just abit hormonal. ok the stomach's a-calling...gonna look for an apple or something

humblest apologies

2007-04-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

hello all. i know its been a long time and i have to say i can't say how touched and frankly surprised to discover that people actually read my rants. hah talk about ego-stroking. neways above is pictorial evidence that i am indeed still up and running. the past three weeks can be summarised in three words...guests, guests, guests! which of course means i had to extend my tour guiding services. the last batch was three guys (pictured) who were here for three days from kl. they wanted to see singapore in a nutshell, but being students they didn't want to spend much moolah. that was a first, not wanting to go shopping in singapore. but i'm glad they were keen in exploring cos i learnt a lot too. for instance i can now distinguish the old parliment from the old supreme court. i walked so much i had chaffing (not sure if that's how you spell it). a tip for going museum-ing, don't wear brand new denims which haven't been broken in. nuff said.

on the fitness front i haven't really seen much of the gym lately. i fell ill some 3 weeks back with a nasty flu and had to rest for a week. since then i've been to the gym twice and run outdoors twice. that's for three weeks mind you. the weight's been the same strangely enough. but i miss the endorphins and feeling stronger which comes with weight-training.

hope to start weight-training again tomorrow...let you know how it goes.

heading in the right direction

2007-03-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

i was on the bus the other day when i happened to read a fellow commuter's t-shirt: "It's not where you came from that matters, its where you're at". well i don't know if i quite agree. how can you appreciate all that you have presently if you don't put in context to what you started with. even if you used to be better off, what hope have you of ever reverting if you do not take the time to reflect on the journey that got you to where you are. take losing weight for example. having to constantly tuck in my less-than-flat belly into my denims to keep the 'muffin-top' effect to a minimum can take its toll on one's self-confidence, but then i remember that not too long ago i used to have three 'rolls' of fat for a belly (i kid you not ppl!) my now uni-belly doesn't feel that bad.

the worst possible thing though is when you plateau. i have been stuck in the 66-65 kilo range since last december. no matter how much harder i've been pushing myself in the gym it hasn't made any difference on the scale. even the cheat meals haven't been working. during other times this is the point where my frustration would get the better of me and i would abandon my efforts because they've stopped working, knowing even as i did so i would end up right where i started-fat, depressed and worst of all disappointed with myself for lacking discipline. the thing that has kept me at it this time though is that i'm doing this for me; not because i think i repulse my family and friends, not because i think not being fat will help me fit in. just for me. and it helps that in the process i've discovered that i love exercising. who knew that the girl who always read a book while her friends were working out would someday become almost pathalogical about running herself?

i'm glad i've stuck to it. its made me happy even if my weight hasn't budged much. but guess what?? an in-body test yesterday revealed that my body fat percentage is now 27.8% while it was 33% in december. so though i weigh the same, i'm less fat and more muscle baby! so excuse me while i do a little happy dance...

take your mama out

2007-03-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

my mum has asked me to help her with her efforts to get healthy. so we've been making our way down to the community centre gym near home. its been interesting to say the least to be able to tell her what to do instead, and call it like it is when she 'cheats' at resistance training.its been so convenient working out near home that i hope after my mum is more confident to work out on her own, i'd still be willing to put up with the hour-long commute to my usual gym in town. i don't wanna waste the 3k that was spent for membership! and not to mention i miss its plethora (ok just a wee bit of an exageration) of exercise machines and excellent ventilation. but one thing that's a welcomed difference at the community gym is that most patrons are friendly and have no 'airs' about them unlike those at the posh gym in town where so many of the patrons are so affected. and seeing actual heterosexual males working out is not too bad either.

i need to change up my resistance workout though cos of late i haven't been feeling the soreness that i'm accustomed to. who'd have thought i would ever complain of NOT being sore. hah. weirder things have happened. like being awakened(awoken?) in the middle of the night by severe abdominal cramps. i never had cramps, or 'normal' periods for that matter, for most of my adult life and my body seems to be making up for it now. hey but signs that i'm still functional right?

on a side note is there a manual out there on how to not act like a total doofus when interacting with the opposite gender?? god. a relatively good looking male approaches me and i turn into mr or rather miz freeze. or the incredible klutz. haha. not so funny when dumbells are involved. i thought we were supposed to grow out of our awkward teenage years?? i feel like ugly betty most times, but it'll all be good if there's a dreamy boss in my near future somewhere ;)

anniversary

2007-03-02T12:28:00.000+08:00

its been exactly a year since i first started my weight-loss endeavors last year. 1st march 2006, the day i decided enough was enough. that i was sick of feeling out of control.

365 days later i'm about 25 kilos (i vary bet being 64.[x]-65.[x]) lighter! 25 kilos. that's 100 sticks of butter!! previously i had tried on numerous occasions to lose weight but only managed to stick to the new diet (never an exercise regime) for anywhere between a few days to a few months before i fell back to old habbits. i guess the keystone to success this time around was realising that in order to lose weight and keep it off, i have to make changes to several aspects of my life. which translated into incorporating exercise and changing my relationship with food. and not just while i'm trying to lose weight but for the rest of my life.

my philosophy has been that of moderation. i probably could've lost more weight in the year if i had worked out a little more (i usually clock 3-4 sessions in the gym per week) or eaten a little healthier, for often a time my sweet tooth gets the better of me. but at the same time the very fact that i've accomplished what i have not having to forgoe the things that give me pleasure, makes me more confident of keeping this up long term.

while superficially its been great being able to see the bulges dissapear, along with the Xs on the clothing labels, its been even more wonderful going to bed without the terrible knee pains that used to plague me, actually getting to bed at all in itself has been a bonus. my days are filled with so much more vigor and i hardly ever get depressed anymore (endorphins i tell ya!).

and lastly, though the very admission is somewhat sad, i feel revalidated. many of us let their weaknesses define their self-perception. the year before i finally decided to lose weight i was the heaviest i'd ever been. i was depressed about it and yet it seemed there wasn't anything i could do about it either. so i would berate myself for my lack of self-control. looking in the mirror i could only see the fat person staring back. i lost sight of the other things that defined who i was; my kindness, my humor, my humility(hah!). self-loathing can be a dark and lonely place. but having come out the other end, i see now that you have to come to terms with what you cannot change and revel in the uniqueness that is your person. and then self-acceptance will follow.

what a year its been. my goals, fitness-wise for the next year include:

toning up lose skin on my arms and belly
getting my body fat percentage to the healthy 25% range
entering a 5 km running event, depending how the knee holds out

so watch this space.

somewhat overdue

2007-02-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

okay so it has been a while since my last post. partly due to the fact that i've been in a bit of a writing rut. and also because its that time of the year when friends who've been back from uni for vacation have to return soon and have been trying to meet up with them as often as is humanly possible. despite having some five days off (including the weekend of course) for chinese new year, i feel particularly fagged out. i've been out till the wee hours of the morning most days, and set a new record yesterday-or rather today-reaching home at 4 in the morning! not that i'm complaining, for i thorougly enjoy my new-found liberty, having spent most of adolescent years missing many a late-night get-together due to having a strict sri lankan father.

pictures below. basically went to the same italian cafe for three straight nights in a row. the nepali waiters were hot, but after the first time the effect kinda wore off. but what to do, it was one of the few places open till late-or at all- during this festive period. and after ten pm all cakes are at half-price. which girl can turn down dessert at a mere $2.50??

you know after having lost quite a bit of weight it comes as a surprise even to me that i'm not more excited over my current physique. its amazing how many things you can find wrong with your body if you try hard enough. but you know what, i blame that on the media. what chance do average-sized women have of accepting their bodies, the occasional love handle and all, when we are bombarded with images of 'perfect' bodies. but luckily things seem to changing. recently Dove launched a 'true beauty' campaign. particularly noteworthy was a video which shows how magazines use the latest in photo-editing technology to give models their perfection. in fact most of the time the end product in glossies are so far removed from the original photo you would think they were of two different people. basically its all one big lie. real women have curves(ha!), blemishes and (dare i say it) saggy breasts. and there's nothing wrong with that. the more we struggle to attain what magazines decide is beautiful, the more we perpetuate this lie, the more frustated we feel with ourselves and the less confident. today i stood in front of the mirror and looked at my body. really looked. its amazing how almost a year of consistently working out can change your body. where there once was only fat there is now muscle. maybe more muscle than is conventional, but to hell with conventional. i was never the conventional sort, and i hope i never will be.

but you know its a funny thing, self-confidence. it has little to do with what you actually see in the mirror and more with self-perception. i blamed the extra weight for my low self-esteem, only to find that after the weight was gone, self-confidence doesn't magically appear. especially for us women who face so many subliminal messages, which tell us we don't measure up to the ideal, on a daily basis. and so i have discovered to be beautiful, you have to believe that you are. know that nobody (or rather no body) is perfect and it is precisely those imperfections that make you unique. beauty is not being decked in the latest size 0 fashion, but rather in your smile, its about being comfortable in your own skin and its about how you treat others. exercise because you love and respect your body, not because you hate it. and low and behold, others will love it too!

(trying) to get my groove on in the mornings

2007-02-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

the life, or at least the schedule, of a part-time daycare teacher is far from fixed. you never know what time you're gonna work till sometimes the day before. it keeps you on your toes for sure. this week i'm on the afternoon shift; meaning i work from 1 to 6.30 in the evening. its a pretty cool time to work when the kids decide not to be devilish. usually when i end in the evenings i go to the gym after, but today i thought i'd try going before work. i left home at 9 and reached the gym at only 10.30! completely forgot to factor in the morning jam. admittedly it has been a while since i was in town at that hour.i did an hour-long weight training session, albeit with a somewhat rushed warm-up and cool-down. i was practically shitting bricks on the way back to work because i only left the gym at 12.15, knowing it was at least an hour-long commute. i don't know how i did it but i was just five minutes late. but no sense in giving myself pulmonary stress, after spending an hr trying to do just the reverse. best i leave at 8 instead tomorrow i think...

working out in the morning obviously means no sleeping in, but its great not having to constantly wait for machines to be vacant. thus i was finally able to get thru all the resistance exercises in an hour! yay! another day of cheap thrills :) and the slight increase in weight was due to the bloating during TOTM. back to being 64.9. hope to be able to go down to 60 in the next two to three months. since fasting back in october i have only lost about 2 kilos. the weight is much harder to lose now. but the funny thing is i see my body getting smaller and becoming more sinewed even thought it's not reflected on the scale. and that has been enough to keep me motivated. that and the post-workout endorphine rush.

on a completely unrelated note, one of my colleagues in school is battling with a combination of anorexia and bulimia. she's lost bunches of weight. we were both 67 when i started in october and now she's 58kg, while i'm still 65! she's been having the disorder for a year now and was apparently nearly 90 kg when she first joined the school. according to her, her disorder is a way for her to deal with the stress in her life. i want to help her but other than lending her a listening ear and giving her my support there's little else i can do. as painful as it is to see someone go through something like this and as much as you want for them to get better, they need to want it too. i'm not sure my friend is quite there yet. and on that note we conclude.

fringe benefits?

2007-02-04T19:34:00.000+08:00

its been a while since my last post, mostly because my mum has been unplugging various plugs from the pc in an effort to reduce the near-astronomical electricity bill and thus i've been having trouble getting the internet going. luckily my brother was home over the weekend and all the plugs are now where they should be again. and in case you couldn't tell from the photos have been busy catching up with the girls. met up with some old friends, made some new ones. good times.

have been doing the usual workouts. had an appointment with the specialist regarding my knee on friday. he says he's 90% sure the pain i still experience sometimes is due to cartilage damage and doesn't feel an MRI scan is necessary at the moment since the pain's not getting any worse. he's given me some glucasamine(?) to try and says that i need to avoid high impact exercises. i remember when my knee first started hurting last august, it used to be constant and i cldn't work out at all. it's considerably better now and occurs only when i've overworked my knee for an extended period of time. i can even run and go on the stairmaster for a while with minimal pain. its tiny steps but in the right direction no less. i just find it hugely ironic that i had to wait to be plagued with knee pains after having lost 25 kilos. God certainly oprates with a sense of humour.

i haven't seen 64 on the scale all this week. it's been 65.5 most days. i have been having my period tho so it may be the usual water retention. bought a book on resisance training yesterday, and hopefully it'll help provide some variation to my regular routine. i still find it hard to get thru all the exercises that i used to do with din in an hr, it usually takes me 1 1/2 hrs. i waste a lot of time between machines as i've been working out during peak time where most of the machines i need are taken up. thus the need to learn other exercises to work the same muscle groups, preferably using free-weights, which i find much less intimidating.

i've been saying i want to get bangs for a while now and i finally did it today....excuse the sans-make-up-haven't-slept-enough look....

i can't decide as yet whether i like it or not. but its different that's for sure. maybe it'll grow on me, or at the very least to just grow, so its all good. have a good week ya'all!

happy birthday mummy!

2007-01-28T13:46:00.000+08:00

went out for dinner with some relatives for an early celebration yesterday. my aunt baked a yummy (and relatively healthy) spicy carrot cake. my mum is the reason my family is still functioning. she just an incredible person and i'm so grateful to be blessed to have her in my life :) the family was colour co-ordinated yesterday even tho we didn't plan on it. haha.

was planning to go for a run but it looks like its gonna rain. damn. hopefully later at night or else i'll get my ass down to a neighbourhood gym. did lunges after a long time on friday and man oh man am i sore. but it doesn't seem to have adversely affected the knee so i'll prolly be adding it back into my weight training routine. i'm back to being 65 but it may possibly be water weight seeing as how i just got my periods. which in itself is good news cos my cycle has kinda been off the last coupla months. monday is around the corner and i'm dreading going back to work. but i'm glad that i'm back taking the morning kids cos i had such a tough time with the little afternoon tyrants last week. well i guess that which does not kill you only makes you stronger...

the kind of wisdom i could do without

2007-01-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

after several days of religiously taking my anti-biotics and vitamin C i finally feel pretty human again. in fact made it to the gym for the first time since sunday. did cardio today. on the way back a hot, built, indian dude sat beside me. but i tell u ah these indian men are not very considerate lah (MCPs most of em i tell ya)...he spread out his legs so wide that he took up most of the room. and not mention his bulging biceps la...plastered on me for the entire ride. luckily he was not one of those who are averse to using deodorant. so other than a rather stiff neck from the trip home i'm pretty happy with today's workout. also got back on a machine i haven't used in a while...it's called the pre-core, kinda like running up steps...very tiring man, 15 min and i was done in.

since yesterday i've been having a wee bit of a toothache. i think it's my upper-right wisdom tooth. when i told my mum that i may have to have this one extracted as well, she responded looking rather concerned, "but you'll have less and less wisdom no(not meant literally, but just an indian figure of speech) darling if u keep taking them [the teeth] out." my mother is quite funny lah, she could give jessica simpson a run for her money.

Food:

B'fast
walnut n raisin cereal and 1 glass skim milk

Lunch
1 bowl rice
1/2 serving sambal kang kung
1 bowl herbal chicken broth with squash, carrot n chicken

Snack
1/2 donut dusted with icing sugar

Snack
1/2 guava
1 cup coffee

Dinner
1 tuna, tomato and mint sandwich

Snack
1 cup horlicks

Exercise:

30 min treadmill (7.9-11)
15 min 'pre-core'

sniffle

2007-01-23T08:51:00.000+08:00

exercise has been put on hold for the time being as i try to recover from a bout of flu. all i wanna do is drink warm chicken soup and snuggle in bed. but alas i've gotta get my butt to work. sigh.

unexpected surprise

2007-01-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

am just back from a session at the gym...so that's another 4 workout week. if i can keep this up i'm sure achieving my goal of losing ten more kilos will be do-able. anyways i have mentioned that my weight has kinda been hovering between the 65-66 for the past month now. so imagine my surprise when the scale read 64.9 today. ok technically i know that's not much different from 65, but hey that's the first time i've seen a '64-point-anything' on a scale since i was fourteen probablly, so pardon me for being excited...i guess the sessions at the gym have paid off.

on a side note i notice that weight-training sessions leave me feeling so much more fatigued than cardio. and a tad bit light headed. need to add more red meat in my diet(the pasta i had didn't have very much beef in it, only occaisional shreds). but on the positive i notice how doing weights has begun to have an effect on my body physically...my shoulders have dents in them that weren't there before, my back too is looking a lot more sinew-y and my arms are just a wee bit less flabby. at the moment i do about 7 exercises which i remember din putting me thru. i know that at a certain point my body would have adjusted to them and i'm gonna have to change it up a bit. i have to read up on other exercises to work the same muscle groups. hopefully sometime next week. ha. who would've thought this'll be me. what a year can do. well onward and upward i say, as long as its not in terms of weight. haha.

Food:

B'fast
home-made pasta with tomato sause, beef, carrot and cheese
1 glass skim milk

Snack
1 cup coffee

Snack
15 almonds

Lunch
pasta
1 cup horlicks

Dinner
1/2 bowl rice
1 tbsp sambal goreng
1 tbsp paru sambal
1 tbsp bean sprouts n ladies fingers

Snack
1/2 cup milk tea
1/2 cup green bean soup

Exercise:
1 1/2 hr weight training

2007-01-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

Okay these pictures are just about one week late. hehe. have been so dead tired after my 9hr days have been too lazy to get the old diggy cam outta my bag. neways better late than never right... these are from one our lepak sessions last sunday....in honor of shaz's (albeit temporary) return to our shores.

the brother is back for the weekend. have been spending some family time with both him and mummy dearest. went shopping with cheryl and grace for a while this afternoon, spent 65 bucks on two pairs of pants and one skirt...dirt cheap right?? all thanks to grace and her mum, and their crazy bargain-hunting skills, for finding this place in the first place.

oh and i also traded in my trusty motorola v3 for the motorola RIZR, pronounced riser. happy days...

a very intense-looking shrek n me

with the very photogenic mai :D

sharm,shaz,shrek,mai n me...all smiles after some good ramen and an even better chocolate sundae

a very tired brother back from a week in camp. he's got three pt sessions a day, comprising of runs, pull-ups and other such gruelling exercises. he's already lost two kilos this week!

Food (thurs)

B'fast
muesli with 1 glass skim milk
1 guava

Snack
1 guava

Lunch
1 bowl fried rice with peas n carrot
1 bowl seafood soup

Snack
1 bowl seafood soup
1 cup coffee

Dinner
1 tuna, tomato and parsley sandwhich

Exercise (Thurs)

45 min cardio (20 min run, 25 min walking at increasing inclines)

Food (Fri)

Bfast
Muesli and 1 glass skim milk
1 guava

Lunch
1 bowl rice
1 serving sambal beans
3 fried chicken drumlets

Snack
1 guava
1 cup coffee

Dinner
3 slices home-made tomato,chicken n cheese pizza

Exercise:
Nil

Food (Sat)

Bfast
Muesli and 1 glass skim milk

Snack
1 slice home-made tomato, chicken n cheese pizza

Lunch
a few bites (approx 1/4 serving) seafood noodle soup

Snack
custard-filled pastry

Dinner
1 fish-o-fillet w/o tartar sause
3-4 wedges
3-4 bites subway meatball marinara

Exercise:
Nil

the usual mid-week mayhem

2007-01-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to work frm 7am to 2pm for the whole of this month but i guess it was just too good to be true...have worked frm 9-6 instead most of this week. went to the gym today as well to get in a session of weight-training. i prolly strained a muscle in either my neck or back n have been suffering from a dull head ever since. nothing seven hrs of sleep couldn't set right tho. i plan to do a session of cardio tomorrow and then rest on friday so that i can have dinner with mum and the bro, who will be back from camp(yay!)...am looking forward to meeting up with cheryl and grace over the weekend to do some bargain hunting....nothing like some retail therapy to make you forget a particularly tough week.

Food:

B'fast
wholemeal sandwhich with turkey ham, tomato, parsley and 1 tsp mustard
1 cup coffee

Lunch
1 bowl rice
1/2 cup sambal kang kung
1 bowl herbal chicken soup

Snack
1 banana
1 yakult

Snack
wholemeal sandwhich with turkey ham,tomato,parsley and 1 tsp mustard
1 cup coffee

Dinner
wholemeal sandwhich with turkey ham, tomato,parsley and 1tsp mustard
1 glass sugar-free soya milk

*yes, i did have the exact same thing three times today, and i enjoyed it each time. my mummy would prolly say it was all the love she put into making them for me this morning, but well i guess i'm easy...

Exercise:

1 1/2 hr weight training

he da man

2007-01-17T00:15:00.000+08:00

i just came across a picture of din, my trainer, during his body-building days. he obviously knows what he's talking about. i knew he was some national and regional chamion but i had no clue he used to look quite like that! though bodybuilders are a little too bulky for my taste, i admire the lengths they go to to push their body to the best it can be. i have a friend who's a body-bulider and he once said to me, "its a sad thing for a man to die before discovering all that his body is capable of being." that got me thinking, what will my body look like when its at its physical peak? what is it capable of achieving? i have spent almost my whole life being obese, where these questions couldn't be further from my mind. but i'm glad for this new-found respect i have for my body. i don't wanna be thin and slight, i wanna be a hardbody. two problems with that though... firstly being so overweight all those years has really done a number on my skin; its so stretched out in areas like my arms and abdomen that i'm not sure anything other than a scalpel can amend the situation. secondly one's ability to develop muscular definition is dictated to a large extent by one's genes. so i may not exactly be able to become truly 'cut' but i am excited to see what my body may look like. i want my own jemina j. moment basically. and if at my peak my body is still comprised of flabby bit, then that's ok too.

my food and exercise log hasn't really been too successful so i'm gonna include it here along with my regular posts...

Food:

B'fast

1 serving spoon of baked pasta with cheese and ground beef

1 cup coffee

Snack

1 cheese sandwhich

Lunch

1 cup rice

1/2 cup steamed carrot n wintermelon

2 small pieces (approx 4 oz) sweet n sour fish

Snack

1 boiled egg

1 kaya toast

1cup coffee

Dinner

1/2 portion of stewed beef noodle

1 slice papaya, 1 slice watermelon

Snack

1 small iece of homemade brownie

Exercise

20 min stationary bike

25 min treadmill, walking at inclines 1-8

i have finally begun getting myself to the gym again. i've gotta start making healthier choices for breakfast and my mid-morning snack. and have my desserts in the earlier part of the day...

getting back in the groove

2007-01-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

hit the gym today for a session of weight training. felt really good bout it cos i felt i was challenging myself throughout the session. even checked with the heart rate monitor on the stationary bike to make sure i was pushing myself. once again did mostly upper body with some hamstring exercises. the machines are getting less intimidating the more i use them.

this is the first week in probably months that i've worked out four times; mon-outdoor run, thur-weight training, sat- 40 min stationary bike, sun-weight training. hopefully i'll be able to keep this up.

i'm sure most of you can relate to the fear of re-gaining. so whilst i try to get the last ten kilos off, i'm trying to not let this fear get in the way of my sanity. i know i've gotta remind myself that this is a long-term plan to a lifetime of good health. sure the new clothes and all the compliments have been great but i think i'd enjoy being older and yet medication free even more. i come from a genepool that's got a history of heart disease, high blood pressure, high colesterol and diabetes. my dad's sister, a doctor mind you, was blind in her late 40s due to severe diabetes, around which time she suffered her first heart attack. another such attack claimed her life at 53. i'm quite attached to my sight, thank you very much, and this will have to be the way i live from now on.

on a side note i felt a little light-headed post workout. i had ice-cream immediately after cos i thought perhaps i hadn't had enough sugar. but alas to no effect. my friend grace said to have some red meat, which i did for dinner and feel much better. i didn't realise how i had abstained, not intentionally, from red meat for so long. i know for a fact that i don't consume enough protein. am thinking bout incorporating a protein shake into the diet. much easier than the egg whites i think. my friend cheryl was saying how there's one that's available here that's not too bad-tasting. will post in greater detail when i try it...

sore is just a state of mind

2007-01-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

finally got my butt to the gym on thursday and did weight training. didn't work the legs tho, other than the hamstrings on a stability ball, because i didn't wanna stress the knee. speaking of the knee it's still hurting but less so. remind me again to never give in to vanity.

am really feeling the effects of the session now. everything is sore. but its a damn good feeling cos it means i really worked 'em muscles. heading to the gym in a bit to clock in a cardio session. am thinking either the bike or the cross trainer/eliptical. definitely no running for now :(

oh and i've been hovering around 65-66 kg for almost a month now. these plateaus are getting harder and harder to break. hopefully when i start exercising more regularly again thinks will get moving in that department. but other than that am feeling pretty happy and healthy. not to mention am rockin some majorly impressive triceps :)

my name is liza and i'm a shopaholic

2007-01-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

ever since i discovered a place that sells decent stuff that i can get into at really great prices i've been hooked! this was my loot in a mere 2 days, oh including the purple dress i wore on my birthday. help! i've obviously got a problem and i'm gonna deal with it in a rational mature way... i'm gonna leave all my plastic at home and carry a minimum amount of cash to sustain me thru each day.

i haven't been to the gym since last friday. have been resting both today and yesterday cos my knee has been hurting. hope to do a weight-training session tomorrow after work. oh i went for a run day-before yesterday. the diet's been better though, with the exception of my birthday that is. i find that desserts are my undoing, so instead of driving myself nuts trying to deprive myself i find it more effective to allow myself a bit of something everyday. today it was four small squares of dark chocolate. moderation is the name of the game.

he's gone away..to become a fireman

2007-01-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

whatcha lokin at?

mum, bro n sumz... aren't they a cute couple?? height is evidently not in our genes :)

a family shot

love ya baby brother

my younger brother became an enlistee to the civil defence yesterday. he'll be serving for two years (!) afterwhich he plans on signing on. we've had our differences over the years but i love the guy and miss him already! he'll be back this weekend tho. lotsa love to his girlfriend sumz ] cos i know she's missing him dearly as well. don't worry babe friday is around the corner...

23rd birthday!

2007-01-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't posted in a bit. mostly because my old knees have not quite recovered from an entire day spent in four inch wedges. seriously, i've been on pain-killersfor the past two days. but enough of that. i turned 23 on the 7th and spent the day with the people who mean the world to me; my friends. met up with azz, mai and sharm for lunch, which started at two and stretched till half past four. the menu included some garlic prawn pasta, some wasabi prawn salad, mudpie and fondue! as u can tell we weren't really counting calories...

we've been friends for ten yrs. god we're getting old. but u know at least we're way cooler now :) you babes make me laugh and have been there for me during the toughest of times during this past yr for which i'll always be grateful. almost as grateful as i was for not having made to wear the very naughty bit of lingerie then and there :) definitely something that'll motivate me whilst doing those dreaded lunges, those knickers...

23rd birthday (part 2)

2007-01-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

met up with cheryl n grace for dinner. had a fresh pomelo n squid salad (very refreshing)followed by a sinful mudpie(my second for the day) for dessert-which i shared with cheryl thankfully- as well as some of grace's decadent double choc cheesecake. i.need.to.get.my.ass.to.the.gym.PRONTO.

oh thanks guys for the super cute pink nike waterbottle. i'm gonna keep it safe frm the kids and their stickers i promise :)

23rd birthday (part 3)

2007-01-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

this two pics were taken exactly a yr apart. i am blessed to have some wonderful friends and its always great to spend ur birthdays with the people who enrich you're life. i've lucked out that way for i know i have friends that love me and would be there for me no matter how i look. but seeing how i looked on my 22nd birthday was kind of like a wake up call. i have so much to grateful for this year but most importantly its given me back my self-respect and made me see that impossible is just a matter of perspective.

happy 2007!

2007-01-01T01:13:00.000+08:00

since this is my first post of 2007, i thought i'd start the year with a series of photos to show how my body's changed over the past year. i sometimes still have trouble believing that this time around i've actually come so far! i just found out my ideal body weight is 58kg. i hope in 2007 i'm able to reach that, but more importantly that i'll be able to attain a healthy body fat percentage. i know if i keep doing what i'm doing i'll get there. i want to thank all my fellow weight-loss bloggers for all their encouragement. you guys are inspirational and if i ever had to be glad for being overweight it'd be cos it's brought such strong women like you into my life. keep fighting girls and we'll reach our goals together!

Feb '06 (90kg)

June '06 (79kg)

Oct '06 (69kg)

Dec'06 (65kg)

2a.m. musings

2006-12-31T00:49:00.000+08:00

its been quite a week. when not at work, i've been spending time catching up with the relatives. haven't really worked out much the entire week. went to the gym for an hr of cardio on monday(which was also christmas), and a jog around the estate yesterday. haven't done any weight training this week and i'll be lucky to get to the gym anytime before the guests leave on the 2nd. i hope i'll be able to get in a few more jogs at the very least.

this month i've been adding sprints to my runs after i was told by a friend that it'd help bring down the belly( you have to tighten the ab muscles during the sprints).i have to say that there's a noticeable difference. it is still protudes out slightly and might on a bad day be mistaken for cottage cheese, but hey, i can now see my feet! now if i could get the love handles to cooperate as well. it seems that they, together with my arms are refusing to budge. i'm hopeful though that they, like my belly, just need more time. maybe in another year the weight training will have a more visible effect on these parts...

had a recent encouter at the gym that left me floored for a bit. as i was putting on my make-up (i had a christmas get together) and generally feeling the post-workout high, the lady beside me struck up a conversation... it started off with her asking me if i had the flu, for i had just blown my nose (very bad when your trying to apply mascara). i said yes and that it was probably due to the weather. then she said very casually.... "you're very fat hor, must slim down". it was one of those moments where your at a loss for words. i just said that i was working on it. a year ago such an insensitive comment would have left me absolutely crushed and probably have me comfort eating. this time around it didn't really have much of an effect on me. mainly because i know that compared to the average size 6 (okay i don't know this for a fact, but it sure feels like it) singaporean there is much more of me to go around. but i'm also at a place where i feel comfortable with what i see in the mirror, even with it not being perfect.sure i still have frumpy days, but i no longer hate on my body. i've come to the realisation that no matter how much weight you may lose, there will be parts of you that do not measure up to society's idea of what is beautiful or perfect. and moreover sometimes it is just impossible to achieve these ideals because of our genetic limitations. i come from short, stocky gene pool, so i'll never be lithe and leggy no matter how many hours i slave on the treadmill. i guess its about making the most of what you've got and giving up the dream of a body that is not yours. i was reading recently how jessica alba hates her curves and wished she were longer and leaner. i mean puh-lease! see, its ridiculous.

i had given up on achieving cameron diaz's body long ago. my problem is being too impatient with my body. i lose sight of the fact that i had been abusing-by which i mean eating poorly and being a general slob- my body for a few years and its impossible to reverse the effects so quickly. i've gotta keep reminding myself to be patient. hopefully if i repeat that often enough it will replace my almost instrinsic need for immediate gratification; a by-product of living in this day and age.

on a final note, 2006 is nearly over. its been a life-altering year in more ways than one. its been tough without my dad but the experience has made me value the people i love and life so much more. losing weight has has obviously been a major focus this year too. mostly its made me more confident because i know i'm stronger than i ever gave myself credit for. hopefully 2007 will be another good year, with less heartache. happy new year everyone and may you be blessed with much peace, health and happiness!

indoor fun

2006-12-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

well the rain hasn't ceased for close to two days now and as a result have been feeling extremely lethergic. had work frm 9 to 3, afterwhich i came home and slept till 7. god the life. we've been confined indoors, so we've had to make do with the telly, ps2 and the camera. here are some of the products of our boredom....

on a side note i think its time to re-straighten the fringe. counting down (as always) to pay day...

family reunion

2006-12-25T23:41:00.000+08:00

the festive season has turned into a family reunion of sorts. my aunt (mum's sis), uncle and cousin are gonna be in town till after new years'. another uncle (mum's bro) just got in today frm new zeland and will be with us for two days before leaving for sri lanka. its feels great to have the house full of laughter. not so great when the toilets are always occupied or when u have to sleep on the couch. but i'd put up with the inconvenience anytime. i realise my family, even extended, means the world to me. i've forsaken numerous christmas get-togethers so i can spend time with them. i guess its the sri lankan in me :)

argh. i've got work tomorrow. but at least its gonna be a long weekend...before a new year begins. gosh how time flies. oh! i went to the gym today. jogged some 4 km in 25 min. feel really good. and am back to being 65.5. i just remembered how much i used to dread these yearly visits by the extended family. mostly because of their sometimes insensitive comments about my weight. tho i knew they had my best interests at heart, their comments still hurt. how things have changed. they're amazed at how much weight i've lost. but its annoying when some of them want to police what i eat, worried that i've got no self-discipline of my own. i mean hello??! but i try to remember that they love me and are just concerned...

mum and her sis

my mum, her sis and her bro-in-law

i heart my cousin :)

my uncle frm new zeland, in the midst of a story

merry christmas!

2006-12-25T12:31:00.000+08:00

the wedding. a sinful dessert filled with coconut milk and treacle. my huggable cousin.

am recovering frm the movie marathon we had last night. alas my spectacles never will. a tip to all, never wear a pair of frameless glasses while watching the omen. my friends know that i never watch horror movies but my cousin really wanted to, so what can i do?? and how do u turn down such cuteness...so i obliged. but at least he was there to grab on to during the scary parts.

on the fitness front i really need to get a handle on my eating. its hard with all the functions during this time of the yr as well as my mum cooking generally unhealthy food due to all the relatives being in town. well hopefully i'll be able to keep exercising to compensate for the extra calories. its off to the gym now for a christmas morning workout. then shopping with family...

playing dress-up

2006-12-23T20:24:00.000+08:00

okay if i want to eat for the rest of the month, which thankfully isn't too many days, i'm gonna hav to leave my atm card at home. met up with grace n cheryl today for lunch afterwhich we browsed thru the many stores in far east. bought this cool dress n funky belt. my brother says its cool but just for the wrong era. hahaha. he's funny but what does he know of fashion. i may wear the dress to a wedding tomorrow. as i've said, being able to buy clothes frm regular stores is quite the double-edged sword.

the beige patch on my right arm is not early signs of vitiligo but rather a souvineer frm the health check i went for this morning. its a test that all childcare teachers have to go for. i've gotta say that reading mai's experience on her blog kinda prepared me for what was in store. the worst part was the drawing of the blood (a whole test tube i tell ya!), and a close second the waiting. am having supper with some friends later tonight so i'm off to make my room presentable for the guests arriving tomorrow...

its all in the face

2006-12-23T00:17:00.000+08:00

friday at last. this week has pretty much been a blur what with the long hrs (9-10 hrs per day!) as well as the gyming soon after. i'm ready to be one with the bed, but alas the festive season looms and with it comes relatives frm sri lanka. which only means that as always i'll probably have to act in a tourguide capacity. sigh. and i've only got leave on the 25th. 26th n 27th its back to work, tho the kids are on holiday, for some staff training. the torture i tell ya.

i've done two sessions of weight training this week. on the whole not as difficult as i thought it would be. i just need to move faster between machines tho cos a circuit that usually takes me an hr with din, is taking me an hr n a half. am gonna try to get in a second cardio session on sun, which wld mean i'd have worked out 4 times this week, the first in a long long time.

in non too surprising news i've put on a kilo, meaning i weigh 66kg. prolly because i've been eating quite badly this past week. not too worried about it, i just need to get back to the routine. i think now that i'm done with my personal training sessions i prolly will start keeping a food journal again just so i can keep myself accountable.

on an unrelated note, i've always dreaded how i looked in photos cos i've got chubby cheeks (which have been abused countless times by over-eager aunties) and always looked bloated/puffy. i still have the cheeks, but i no longer look (or feel) bloated. in my opinion at least....

girls' night out

2006-12-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

cheryl has on our loot frm jb a coupla weeks back. not bad eh?

grace rockin her longer 'do n lookin rather pleased with herself...

met up with my friend grace who is (finally) back on our sunny shores. good to have u back babe! the ever-stylish cheryl was there too, in spite of her crazy workload, and we were quite the threesome. we caught up over sushi, afterwhich we shopped of course! am looking forward to more meetups with the girls n hopefully a marathon shopping trip to either jb or kl! girlfriends n a little retail therapy...what would life be without 'em??

feeling the boogie woogie rhythm

2006-12-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

a top weekend of many firsts. first hard rock gig. i think my eardrums have just about recoverred. i had no clue sham was a rock god of-sorts amongst the local following. mad skills i tell ya. also first night clubbing, till three in the morning no less! i'm really glad i wore comfortable flats. az! you've got some crazy moves babe. i'm so glad we did it finally...and u know what my mum says i can do it again before my bro goes to ns in jan! oh and it was the first time partying with the bro n his pals....who i've gotta say know how to par-tay. some old indian guy was groping me from behind (another first) and my bro n his friend were quick to step in. so sweet right?? there was also another freaky guy who kept staring at az n i for the longest time n then asked me to dance (yet another first). i couldn't help but looked flabbergasted n mutter 'no'. god. but u know like az says at least he got the point. i have a feeling tho even if he's been built like a greek god my reaction wld have been the same cos a) i dance like i'm having a seizure and b)being picked up by a guy is pretty scary stuff. at least to me. i'm with u sharm...it wld be so much easier if dating women wld've been a viable option.

was supposed to go to the gym. but the rain is so sleep-inducing i tell ya. tomorrow i will hopefully have managed my first solo attempt at weight training. for now i'm gonna cuddle further into my comfy blanket n get lost in the mindlessness that is korean drama...

recharging the 'ol batteries

2006-12-16T10:39:00.000+08:00

saturday finally! as i do a little happy dance and relish the fact that there will be no poo that has to be cleaned ,for the next two days at least, my glutes (that's bum muscles for all non-gym lingo speakers) cry out in agony. so my love-hate realtionship with lunges continues...

some really important news, at least to my weightloss, first. i have just one session with din left. and then i'm on my own. yikes! ok, on one hand i know that it was i who put in the hard work over the last few months and thus being on my own should have no bearing on me continuing to lose weight. but the thing is that having din made weight-training something that i just took for granted, without really paying much attention to what it was exactly he was having me do. crap. but he's explained the concept behind it to me and drawn out a simple plan, when it comes to resistance/weight training, i'm to follow frm now on. at the moment i still can't tell my lats from my triceps, but i guess i will be forced learn quick to in the next few months. in a way i guess its a good thing cos at some point i have to start using the machines myself. and i guess its like getting used to the cardio machines, after a while u feel less self-conscious or downright cacat fiddling with the various knobs n handles.

when i was first starting out i'd never have thought i would be even remotely concerned about weight training in order to keep losing weight.because like many others i figured cardio-running, cycling, stairmaster-was all i had to do to attain this goal. i was youtubing one of the biggest loser trainers on some talkshow and she was saying that for optimum weight loss she recommends 4 weight-training sessions a week, with cardio thrown in just for 'gravy'. no time for the extra cardio, not a problem. most important apparently is to do your weight training in a cardiovascular fashion, which translated means to move quickly from machine to machine ensuring that your heartrate remains elevated at a level that ensures the burning of calories. damn and to think that i was one of those women who feared doing weights cos i thought i'd become even bulkier.

on a another note isn't it funny how on days you can sleep in, you end up awaking at 9. well at least i feel rested. which is never the case, even if i've slept for longer, when i know i've got work. yesterday i finished work at 7.45 and yet somehow found the strength to go to the gym. my counsin's in town and i was afraid of leaving it to the weekend cos i figure it's more likely to not happen. by the time i was done it was 10.30 and then i met up with the cuz for some dinner. by the time we were ready to leave town it was 12ish but were only able to get a cab at one. remind me never to even think about working out that late on a friday night.

today looks like its gonna be spent in town again doing some shopping with the family. seeing the girls in the evening to catch sham in action. exciting stuff i tell ya.

having me some retail therapy

2006-12-13T21:20:00.000+08:00

am still recovering from a killer weekend. hit the gym saturday morning...jogged 5km...then met up with azz. checked out the lime sonic bang flea market. nothing much to get excited over, tho i did buy a brand new MAC blush n estee lauder lipstick for just 2 bucks each. met up with mai later in the evening for the actual concert. nothing like being in the company of teenagers to make one feel old. glad i went tho, even tho my knee was killing me at the latter part of the evening, cos i heard local acts imran and ronin for the first time. but the piece de resistance was hady's performance. man can he blow. and i don't know what it is abt him but he does it for me. all he had to do was look in my direction, and my heart was set aflutter and my knees went weak. i'm a total groupie i know!

on sunday i went to jb with a coupla friends. no matter how many times i go, i can never get over how cheap things are there. i bought a pair of flats, a pair of sandals,a pair of shorts, 7 tops and not to mention 10 slices of cake frm secret recipe and i'm only 150 dollars poorer for it.

since discovering that i can now find stuff that fit me in regular stores, its been hard resisting the temptation to shop. its a novel idea to not buy something that fits. its definitely something that i don't quite have the hang of as yet but am getting better at. oh! i bought a little black dress after a session at the gym a few days back. it is amzingly comfortable and joy of joy comes with sleeves, so i don't have to bother with a wrap. hopefully there'll be some x'mas do to wear it to so i can post pics of it.

am seeing din at 9pm tomorrow. which means i'll be done at only 10.30ish. he says he'll drop me home tho so i can avoid the hr long commute. still a rather long day. but i shan't complain cos i know some ppl out there are running on crazier hrs. am glad its just a coupla days frm the weekend. god sleeping in, what a luxury....

not such a fatty

2006-12-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

just back from another late-night session with din. well late by our usual standards at least. cos i've been made to work later to allow for other teachers to clear their leave, been seeing din frm 8-9 this week. he's been working me really hard cos he wants to get me in the 65s. have been felling pretty much like a limp noodle afterwards, but its been worth it...cos today i weighed in at 65.5 kg! and that's after a heavy tea ( large of bowl of barley soup + 1/2 doughnut), an early dinner (1 wholemeal tuna sandwhich) AND i cup of coffee. and this time its not the diarrhoea either.

did an in-body test a coupla sessions back. body fat percentage down to 33.5%. In july it was 40%. it may be just a 7% drop, which was admittedly a little disappointing at first, but that's taking into account that the body weight from which this percentage is derived has also dropped. so to put the figures in perspective, my body fat in july was 40% of 79kg which amounts to some 32kg. now its 35.5% of 67kg (the in-body scale reads slightly higher than the regular scale) which is approximately 22kg. which ultimately means that 10 of the 12kg lost during this period of time is due to a loss in fat. can u say KAWABANGA??!

what about the other 2kg then? well its prolly due to a loss in water or muscle mass. din says its impossible to avoid the latter when attempting to lose weight, no matter how many protein supplements one consumes. and since i haven't been taking any such supplements ( maybe its time i re-introduce the 2 egg whites into my daily diet??) i can't say i'm surprised.

yup its been a pretty terrific day thanks to this little discovery. i bet i scared more than a few commuters on the train on the way home, grinning manicly the way i was. if i've bored you to tears at this point, i apologize, but you've gotta get your thrills where you can find 'em...

the runnings

2006-12-04T19:08:00.000+08:00

what a busy few days its been. firstly, it turns out it was indeed the stomach flu that was giving me so much distress on friday. the abdominal pains and nausea have ceased, only the diarrhoea persists, tho it too is significantly better. but you know one thing diarrhoea is good for?? weight loss. after sleeping for close to 12 hrs on saturday, i went to the gym with a friend on sunday. my weight had dropped to 65.5 , which is nearly a kilo in two days. i can see why laxatives may seem an attractive way of losing weight to some. but come on la. there's no way i could've burnt off one kilo of fat...unless of course trotting around on wedges have as-yet-undiscovered cardiovascular benefits. the loss of water is more likely to be the cause of the sudden drop in weight.

went to attend to some legal matters after work today with my mum. afterwhich went window shopping for a bit. the trip to giodarno made my day cos turns out a size 32 is too big for me. i mean WAY too big. but you know having never been able to even remotely fit into any of their bottoms before i've never noticed their pricing, and damn are they expensive. the knee length shorts (?) that i tried on were nearly 50 bucks! and all this while, here i was thinking that giodarno was like a less ah-lian version of this fashion.

tomorrow looks to be another long day. have got work frm 10 to 6, then din at 8. working out in the evenings is a real bitch cos the gym is really packed and there's eternally a queue for the showers. but oh well that's the way the cookie crumbles. its only monday and already i'm exhausted. must be age catching up with me. hope its gonna be one of them weeks that just zooms by....

concert day- part one

2006-12-03T00:30:00.000+08:00

the teachers were at the venue at 9 (tho the concert started only at 2) . we had to decorate the auditorium and set up various displays. i was involved in making the volcano seen here, which felt like being in primary school again.

two of the boys in school, after i got my hands of them with my blusher and lipstick. talk about pretty boys...luckily their too young to realise makeup is kinda pansy

one of the most adorable kids in school. at this point i've been in a pair of 4 inch wedges for a good four hrs and can barely feel my legs...

at long last, the concert is over and some the teachers went out to a thai joint for some dinner...before going comatose for the rest of the weekend. i'm not trying to be shy here, hiding in the back, just too tired to care one way or another. these teachers are a crazy bunch, who always game for a laugh. good fun i tell ya

concert day- part two

2006-12-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

after dinner with the teachers met up with azira to catch some local bands perform at the science centre, electrico(pictured) being one of them. was cool to bob to some music after a long week but the crowd wasn't too into it. did some cam-whoring as usual, but ended up looking like we've had one carlsberg too many...which of course wasn't the case, us being good muslim girls n all.

az since my mum was so cool abt it, zoukout la babe, ok?? set ah...

out about town

2006-12-01T07:28:00.000+08:00

the pictures i 'stole' from az's blog...thanks babe :) (and yes, cotton candy always gives me a manic look) met up with preethi (whom i hadn't met in bout 5 yrs!), sharm and az. had fun catching up....preethi talked mostly cos, as sharm so aptly put it, she's the one with a life. it was just like old times.

i had a smoked salmon salad but maybe it didn't agree with me or something cos i've been up since 4.30 in the morning with bad stomach pains as well as diarrhoea. or perhaps i've come down with stomach flu, which has affected many of the kids in school. was hoping to hit the gym after work today but that'll now depend on i'm feeling. gotta head to town anyway to get some stuff for tomorrow's concert. am looking forward to a lazy sunday in bed...

milestone

2006-11-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

had a session with din today. was very tired though so did only ten minutes on the bike afterwards. had two pieces of birthday cake in school an hour before and man was i uncomfortable throughout training. i haven't had so much cream in the longest time.

today my weight was 66.2kg which means that i'm down exactly 24 kilos since i first started. the number is indeed staggering and i have to pinch myself to make sure it's really happened. but since about 10 kilos ago, seeing the figures on the scale go down is not the driving force keeping me doing what i'm doing. i'm looking forward to doing an in-body test to see if my body-fat percentage has budged at all since last month...it was 35% last month and hopefully its moved closer to the healthy 25-31%.

i got waxed after the session at the gym. i got back only at 10.30 but its worth it to feel just how smooth my legs are. cheap thrill i know. in totally unrelated news, my brother just spent 208 bucks on a pair of shoes frm aldo. 208 freaking dollars ok! for what u ask?? his friend's sister is getting married. i guess under-the-void-deck affairs have got fancier. its hard for me comprehend such extravagance cos of late i've become kinda cheap, as is required when one has to get by on a childcare teacher's salary. speaking of which, pay day is almost here...i've been making a mental list of the things i need, and top of the list is pants. only the levis i got recently fit decently now. the others i've gotta hike up every other minute, prolly making me look like i'm experiencing spasms. hehe. jb anyone?

of cpr and arranged marriages

2006-11-29T07:34:00.000+08:00

its official. i'm now first-aid trained. the two-day course was supposed to be frm 8-6 on sat and sun, but it ended at 3 instead. not that i'm complaining tho cos it left me with a pretty decent portion of the weekend for myself. there was no practical test cos the assessment was done during our trial sessions in class. and the 25 mcq test was a joke la...no talking or discussion, but i can't control where your eyes look ...the instructor's exact words. a lady had just had both her cataracts removed and was worried bout the font of the test being too small...the instructor's solution??sit closer to your friend and ask her to write bigger.

so i finally spoke to the principal bout needing to leave for sri lanka in jan. she asked me if it was possible for me to stay till end of jan cos apparently there's a liscencing officer who'll be making his rounds in jan. i said sure. i know i'm such a doormat, but she's like really nice la and i have no heart to leave her in the lurch. which brings me to the next point...my mother's ecstatic that i'm gonna have to delay my trip cos guess who'll be in town in jan?? the guy frm england and his family la! aiyo. i think i prolly will have to do a 'sharm' and run away frm home... :)

oh! the kids are having a graduation concert this sat! the teacher's have gotta get all dressed up. i've gotta squeeze in a waxing appointment into my already packed days. but it promisses to be a fun day...i'll post pics. gotta run...school starts in a bit.

self-love

2006-11-23T20:51:00.000+08:00

just back frm a session with din. its great to see my fitness level return to where it was before my trip to sri lanka all those months ago. have been incorporating sprints into my jogs, apparently it helps not only to up the calories burnt but also to work the abs.

am reading a killer ass book called ' the Fat Girl's guide to life' by wendy shanker. despite the title it really could apply to all women. at its core is the message of self-acceptance, which seems so simplistic but as many of us know can be a lifelong struggle. it got me thinking...you know before i lost weight i would have found it hard to believe that i would be able to find any fault with my body if i were magically able to subtract about 25 kilos. but apparently such a thing is possible. which leaves me to question whether one can ever be truly satisfied with one's body. so many of us are busting our asses in the gym to attain that perfect body, when in actual fact does it even exist? after all isn't beauty supposed to be subjective? why then are we aiming for homogeniety as dictated by the media? and ultimately what we lose in this process is so much more valuable than what we could ever gain; our self-identity and self-worth...

so i'm 66.7kg and by no means is my body perfect. my belly and arms are not what magazines consider part of the 'perfect body'. but you know what, who's to say that even if i lose another 10 kilos i'd ever be rid of these, for it seems i'm genetically pre-disposed to store my fat in these areas. and even if i do one day manage to get rid of these two 'flaws', wouldn't it be funny if i end up picking on something else. i remember a line from the movie 'cool runnings' where a olympian bob-sledder asks his coach (a former gold-medalist who had to forfeit his medals when it was discovered he cheated) why he resorted to cheating when he had already garnered the respect of all in the field...the coach's answer is " if you aren't enough without it [the medal], you'll never be enough with it." if you don't feel like you are worth something to begin with, then no matter how much weight you lose, plastic surgeries you have, accolades you receive you'll never feel worthy. most of us are at our most confident in our youth and then as the years go by life happens and chips away at this confidence. i am no different. in my teens i felt i could be or do anything i set my heart to. i was an orrator, debater and active on stage. and then in the years that followed i started comparing myself to those around me, and it seemed i always came up short; i was less attractive, less intelligent, less articulate. basically less impressive. and the more i thought these things the more power they had over me...and i became powerless. so i ate, because food didn't judge. at my heaviest i was repulsed with the person looking back in the mirror. where once my speech was once my greatest asset, i developed a stutter (another genetic predisposition) so bad that complete sentences became a challenge.

this year has been such a gift because i've had to confront all these issues. sure i haven't completely resolved many of them but i have no doubt when it comes to my self-worth. and you know what... i can do anything i set my mind to. the only person standing in my way is myself. i'm not gonna keep putting down my body. i respect its strength and its time i started to show it. if this is the best its ever gonna look, then i've gotta say its hella good. did i have to lose weight to be able to love myself? of course not. i know of many friends who are more generously proportioned, and yet are the epitomy of confidence. i'm sure i could have not set a foot into the gym and have dealth with my issues. but i'm not gonna fool myself either into thinking that everything would be fine and dandy if i hadn't lost weight. i was eating myself into an early grave. a lot of us focus on weight-loss as the ultimate goal when exercising, and as a result stop completely if they don't see the numbers they were expecting on the scale. in actuality shouldn't being healthy be the motivation to excercise? you may never lose a pound (almost impossible if your doing it correcly) but the edorphins alone are enough to make the effort worthwhile. not to mention discovering that your body is stronger than you would have ever believed. that is the gift, any drop in dress size merely a bonus.

and you know what...i won't judge. sure i've become this fitness-obssessed freak, but you know that's the way i choose to live from now on. your body is a temple and you can worship in it however you want. fat or thin, tall or short we were all blessed with the gift of life and owe it to ourselves to live in the best way possible. be true to yourself, cos in the end it is the only truth that matters.

spot the difference

2006-11-22T21:24:00.000+08:00

was just looking thru some old photos and here are a couple before n after shots...

jan'06

Oct '06

happy feet

2006-11-22T08:00:00.000+08:00

woke up at 5.30 this morning and went for a jog. nothing like exercise first thing in the morning to set up your day! i didn't get to the gym yesterday cos i was dead on my feet by the time i knocked off at 6.30.the brownies were a hit at schl, both with the kids and the teachers. so much so that i did more baking for today- some carrot cake, a batch of white choc chip cookies and double choc chip muffins. in case ur going 'woah!', none of the above were made frm scratch. i just didn't have time to go get the ingredients for that.betty crocker rocks i tell ya...

excuse me, ms betty crocker?

2006-11-21T08:11:00.000+08:00

my brother n students have been asking me to bake another batch of brownies for the longest time. yesterday finally got round to it. they turned out well, and so i have to get them out of the house, out of reach, as soon as possible. am taking most of em to school, leaving just 4 pieces for my mum and bro (he already had some fresh frm the oven).

work has been more hectic than usual, thus my sparce blogging these coupla weeks. been working 10 hr days, but with the older kids. they've finished their exams, so they pretty much play the whole day. so i spend my time reading. hehe. mindig the older kids has its perks too. one of the kids is allergic to dairy products (even chocolate) and eggs. poor bugger. i can't imagine not being able to ever eat ice cream, cake or chocolate.

the job's even taking over my weekends! this sat n sun i'm to attend a first aid course frm 8am-6pm. aiyo. so won't be able to train with din on sun. will go to the gym today after schl for cardio, then work out with din tomorrow and on fri. that's the best i can do i think. maybe i'll do another cardio session on my own on sun, after the course. if i'm not in need of first aid myself by then that is...

half asleep

2006-11-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

i just had a 10hr work day. gosh that's almost twice as long as i've slept for most days of the week. needless to say things are a little fuzzy at the moment. i've been working some crazy hrs lately because the other teachers are clearing what's left of their leave, but hey i won't complain cos the extra hours means more dough to spend in sri lanka.

i've also been trying to go to the gym. made it only twice this week, and plan to go on sunday as well. trying to get in the minimum three sessions.the knee has been sore so am taking things a bit easy. did 20 min on the bike followed by another 20 min walking at increasing inclines on the treadmill. no running for a while till the knee gets a bit better, which translates to not being pain-free but to where i can walk n work out wothout too much discomfort. my MRI scan is sheduled for next yr, which is like ages away. i sometimes feel like getting it checked privately, but i know of someone who paid over 400 bucks for an injury to one of her shoulder ligaments, and since i aint got no sugar daddy that is definitely not an option. so public healthcare'll have to suffice. maybe i'll be able to get the scan done while in sri lanka.hmmm. a definite possibility.

food has been so so. a few pigging out moments. had a half bowl of udon, a piece of murtabak and some kueh for dinner today. oink. am actually thinking maybe a few controlled cheat meals may help me break the current plateau i seem to be in. i know it worked the last two times.

spent some time with nadz, azz and sharm yesterday. it was like old times. haven't laughed so hard in the longest time. nothing beats the company of good friends, unless of course it includes great dessert. and the banana crumble served with caramelized bananas, custard and ice cream was near orgasmic, so it was top notch.

tomorrow is saturday but i've got work in the morning. arrgh. talk abt depressing. hope ur weekend beats mine...

mellow monday

2006-11-13T21:01:00.000+08:00

had a session with din at 8 in the morning yesterday! can't believe i was even able to drag myself out of bed at such an ungodly hour. but its actually great to workout early cos there's hardly anyone at the gym and also it leaves almost the entire day free to do as u please.

i came right home tho, cos surprise surprise i bought a new korean drama series (my lovely sam soon) which i was almost done with. i actually feel really sorry for korean men. they perpetually seem to get beaten up by the women in their lives.

its been a realtively good day. worked from 11 to 7. just 5 of the toddlers in my class came to school today, courtesy of a chickenpox outbreak. was going thru a box of old clothes just now and was pleasantly surprised when i could fit into a baju kurung (a traditional malay kit) which i last wore when i was twelve! and with plenty of room to spare. the only indicator that i wore it all those years ago are the sleeves, which are now much too short...who knew arms could grow so much :)

i've been stressing bout my belly of late. it seems rather on the large size in comparisson with everything else. but u know i've decided to cut myself some slack. its frustrating that tho i slog hard in the gym some parts just refuse to budge. but the fact that i'm in the gym or running outside is in itself a great accomplishment. if it takes longer to get rid of my belly and my arms then that's ok. it is but a mere inconvenience. i'm sure i'll complain about them again, but for now i'm satisfied with where i am- happy, healthy and whole.

of carbs n such

2006-11-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

i hadn't exercised since last friday and i was begining to get downright annoying. ended at 1 so i headed to the gym. walked at increasing inclines for 30 min and then jogged for 30 min. spent most of the latter 30 min at 8.4 and 10 min at 9.4! woohoo. tis the coffee i tell ya.
that's abt it for now. have a session with din tomorrow. the weekend is almost upon us! so near yet so far...wanna send lotsa postive energy to azzz who's got a crazy workload (an understatement i'm sure) . chiayo babe!

oh! i forgot the main point of my post till i re-read the title. i've been off my no-carbs-at-night diet. went off it during fasting n then never got back on. i guess it makes me feel more 'normal' like i'm not obsessed i guess. like i'm following the middle path and not the extremist end of things. my weight hasn't been affected negatively n its not like i've beem overdoing it. i eat early and am mindful of portion sizes. i can't say if i'll ever get back on it cos i don't see it as something i can keep up for the rest of my life. and no that's not a cop out...

recovering equilibrium

2006-11-07T08:47:00.000+08:00

so very tired. met up with the girls over the weekend as well as did some hari raya visiting. korean drama overload. funny, i never thought it'd be my kinda thing but what can i say..the lead actor is rather hunky ;) i watched all 24 episodes (that's 24 hrs!) in 1.5 days. and have the eye-bags to show for it.

anyway gotta head off to school in a bit so here are pics of the night out with the girls (and the one guy) at a turkish restraunt. the food was good! we were stuffed so we shared a chocolate pudding. mainly we laughed ourselves silly. also a pic of with my other sri lankan friends at the hari raya get together. hoping to go for a run today. if the weather permits. will post in more detail soon....

hum drum

2006-10-31T23:11:00.000+08:00

its tues, but i'm already dead on my feet. mostly because i've been reading late into the night. nothin heavy, just light-hearted romance, but still man i have a thing bout finishing the entire book at a reading. and i have eye bags to show for it. i was supposed to go for a jog yesterday but was too exhausted after work so i squeezed it in this morning before going to work. was supposed to see din early tomorrow morning but alas he can't make it, so it looks like i might only see him on fri and sun this week. tomorrow i'm gonna get my knee checked out (finally!). hopefully nothing much is the matter. am hoping for the best.as weeks go its been pretty non-eventful. hopefully it'll stay that way till the weekend at least. lookin forward to friday to meet up with an old friend frm school whom i haven't seen in 6yrs! and saturday its dim sum dollies with the girls! yay. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

say cheese

2006-10-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

i thought it was about time i post a few photos of 'my kids'. aren't they adorable?? it was photo-taking day at school and we were getting them to practice their smiles. not all of them were feeling up to it tho. hehe

i've just been to the gym. ran on the threadmill. varied my speed frm 7.5-10. but most of the time was at 8.1.am very happy cos its the fastest i've been able to run for 30 min straight. covered 4.5km and more importantly 2.4 in 13 odd minutes! i've always used the 2.4km run as a benchmark for my level of fitness. in secondary 4 i had to run it 5 times because i kept failing. things didn't get any better in junior college for i failed both years. the passing time in yr 2 was 16min. i missed by 30 sec! i can't tell u just how much i used to dread having to run in school. isn't it weird how drastically we can change? i felt so much better (i have been rather cranky these past two days) after the run. so alive, for lack of better word. i love running. its a challenge, where i am my only competition. hopefully my knee turns out ok (my appointointment with the specialist is on wed), cos i wanna take part in national running events, with my ultimate goal being half of the standard chartered marathon next yr; i.e. 20+km. i've thought about this a great deal and i think finally talking bout it here will help keep me accountable and help me walk the walk, so to speak. at this point i'm a little overwhelmed by the distance involved but i'm determined to see if i'm capable pushing my body that far. after all i'd never thought i'd be one to run 5 km and i've done it before quite comfortably in bout 40 min.

now for the not so good news...i've gained 0.7kg from 2 days ago! mostly because i've been baking and been having too many of these... (very poor quality picture to follow)

brownies! props to grace for the awesome (and oh so easy) recipe. i'm not too bothered bout this latest development tho cos i know where that weight came frm and what i have to get rid of it.

oh! i had a really strong cup of coffee an hour before my workout and i swear it made all the difference. din says that coffee before a workout helps to increase the metabolic rate, upping the calories burnt. what i noticed was that my energy level was much higher throughout the workout and i felt much less fatigued afterwards. what can i say, these trainers know their stuff.

a day of discovery

2006-10-28T10:33:00.000+08:00

went to the gym yesterday after month. and had a session with my trainer din. the last time i saw din was before my sri lanka trip in august, so its been two months. i have to confess that although i have been running i have been neglecting the weight training bit of the equation. haven't been doing any push-ups or crunches for the longest time. and it definitely showed yesterday. we did some arm and ab work and i was wimpering and whining through it all. before i could do 20 reps for most exercises and yesterday i maxed out at 15 or even 10. really pathetic. oh well. slowly but surely i guess. i thought i'b be really sore today, but its not too bad.

after a month of weighing myself at home i now have 'official' figures. the weight's 67.3kg. also did a body composition test. muscle mass is down by 2%, which is not too bad considering i've not done any weight training in a long time. body fat is down 2% from august to 35%. healthy range for women is 25-31%, so just another 4% baby! am quite surprised by the body fat figures because if anything, i had expected it to have gone up slightly.

after the session with din i did 30 min on the threadmill. jogged some 4.25 km. i know its damn slow but hey i've gotta start somewhere right? but it felt great to be all sweaty and outta breath. my knee has been holding up relatively well after the runs (touch wood!), but i do wear a knee guard and also ice it immediately after getting home. its weird though how it seems to hurt after a long day at work or after a day of shopping.

afterwards i went on a bit of a window shopping expedition. one of the places i went to was this fashion, because i wanted to get some pretty skirts and dresses and also some basic cardigans. it was hard to keep from getting depressed because most of the dresses were available only in a size s and m. the m sizes were too small in the bust and the arms. damn. but i had to remind myself that i used to only be able to fit into their xxxxl stuff (isn't it funny how they seem to have skipped the middle part in their sizing), so being just a bit too big for their m is- in a weird way- progress.

oh! i also discovered something very interesting which i have to share. was chatting with one of my bro's body-builder friends on msn last night and was asking him how to get rid of my belly. he said that sometimes stress and even exercise can cause a build up the hormone estrogen. if ur wondering why that sounds familiar, its a hormone known to regulate many female funtions, but it also stores fat. so he said i probably have an excess of estrogen, causing it to be difficult to shed the last few kilos. apparently green tea helps to lower estrogen levels, which will then make shedding the last bit of stubborn fat easier. i finally have reason to be glad that my mum lugged back so much of the stuff frm sri lanka...

getting into the festive spirit

2006-10-24T00:26:00.000+08:00

i can't believe its hari raya already! where did the entire month go?? i'm grating some nutmeg as i type (for a traditional sri lankan pudding). last year during this time the house was full of relatives frm all over the globe who had flown over for my dad's funeral. this year its just us and almost everything seems to be a reminder of dad. to think that two years ago my dad was doing his usual delegating of pre-hari raya chores. life certainly is unpredictable, to say the least.

i'm usually in charge of packing the kueh, or baked sweets, into decorative containers. usually i end up eating something like one in five i pack (quality control u understand). so far i've eaten around five today, which is not too bad considering i've packed some six containers. also couldn't resist sampling my mum's dhaalcha , a lentil and mutton curry. she makes it thick with lots of spices.absolutely delicious. did u know that dhaal is actually a wholegrain? not to mention an excellent source of protein? and my mum uses lean mutton, so its not so bad on the diet.

oprah, aka the weight loss guru, has often stressed how important it is to curb late night eating. my trainer kinda said the same thing. but recently i read in a health magazine that apparently it doesn't matter so much what time u stop eating by,as long you don't exceed ur daily calorie limit. i wish these fitness experts would make up their minds already, so i can decide whether or not to have something more substantial than a green apple the next time the late night hunger pangs strike.

i can't believe tomorrow's the last day of holidays and i've gotta go to work the next day! arrgh. oh well at least it'll be a three day week.

wishing all my muslim brothers and sisters a joyous eid mubarak...

trying to stay on course

2006-10-21T14:06:00.000+08:00

its been a tough week, diet and exercise-wise. did quite a bit of comfort eating, including some sinful desserts not to mention several slices of cheesy pizza as well as pasta. also found it hard going to drag myself to exercise (finally went for a run last night), and this was even tho i wasn't fasting, mind you. when i have one of these weeks, a part of me is scared shitless that i'm gonna revert back to my old couch-potato lifestyle. because i'm all too familiar with the pattern of self-sabotage followed by feelings of self-loathing. pretty soon u've eaten ur way back to where u were, and then some.

i want to break free of this vicious cycle once and for all. lest you think this means self-deprivation, think again. in the last seven months i've been all bout moderation and have been more than willing to indulge in the occassional cake, chocolate or deep fried buffolo wing. but the thing bout the past week is that it wasn't bout all the junk i was eating, it was the motivation behind the eating. i was eating to make myself feel better, instead of dealing with the jist of the matter.i refuse to use food as a crutch ever again. so this is gonna have to stop.

having read another diet blog, what about ur hips?, it dawned on me that the uneasy feeling i've been experiencing these coupla weeks is fear...fear of where this life-changing journey is gonna take me. lets face it, most of us are comfortable with what we know. that's why we order the same things frm menus, stick to one hairstyle most of our lives and stay in an unhealthy realtionship longer than we ought to. i've been fat pretty much all my life. its what i know, an integral part of who i am. and now before my eyes the planes of my body are changing. the boobs i've known are no longer. the love handles have pretty much gone. only my tummy remains, tho it too is a shadow of its former self. i don't recognise the person i'm becoming, i don't know if i know how to be the person i'm becoming. thin, that is. and this has me reaching for the cheesecake....but no longer.

the depression i experienced when i was at my heaviest seems like a mere distant memory. one that i'm gonna have to get re-acquainted with, in order to move forward. i used to observe life from the sidelines. used to dread meeting ppl i hadn't met in a while, having my photo taken. worst of all was the self-loathing and the feeling of not being good enough. now i'm a much more happier person. i can honestly say that i love myself, belly and all. i have a profound respect for my body and all that its capable of. do i really want to go back to the way i was? i think not. so i'm going to have to remind myself how miserable i used to be, when the newness of my body is getting a little overwhelming. and deal with the fear head on. any new experience can be frightening, but change can enrich your life so, especially if what ur leaving behind was self-defeating. i can't hide behind the fat anymore. i want to be the best me i can be and to manifest all the blessing God has bestowed upon me. i think its about time.

show n tell

2006-10-17T19:42:00.000+08:00

i did promise to show u guys the stuff i got from jb, so here they are...

i still can't get over the fact that the swimsuit cost a mere 7 dollars. it does amazing things for the boobs. and actually makes the tummy look negligible. i now have something i can wear with confidence when i go to sri lanka again.

the weekend was pretty tiring with graduation. it was great meeting up with all my classmates. i've missed all of them. haven't done any exercise since last friday. sigh. i think i've gone back up to 67kg. clothes are feeling better tho. even stuff that i'd stored in the 'thin' cupboard are loose. wore the new jeans to work yesterday. they fit great, especially in the crotch. since i've been wearing mostly pants that are too big for me, its a relief to no longer have a lot of bunching in that area, which actually made me quite self-conscious especially when i had short t-shirts on.

on the downside all the shopping cum self-grooming i've done this month means i'm pretty much broke and can't spend much till i get paid again. which is in 2 weeks. i may actually be liking work, the kids are adorable and the teacher i work with is really nice. she's 23 are we're pretty much on the same wavelength. oh i wore a skirt to work today, just because i wanted to put maximum use to the waxed legs.

another neighbour mentioned my weight-loss today. she asked how many kg i'd loss. upon telling her about 25, she exclaimed 'wah, u must've spent a lot of money.' i said kinda cos i had to join a gym. she was surprised that that's all i'd done. probably thought i'd gone to one of the many slimming centres. whatever. i've actually got plenty to say on the issue but have gotta be off for tuition...and i'm doing overtime tomorrow.not that i'm complaining cos more hours=more money :)

graduation part 2

2006-10-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

with the dean of mass communications, oklahoma city university

tassles are endless sources of amusement

*gasp* butter! not to worry, mark's on it...

all glad to (finally) partake in the buffet

graduation

2006-10-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

moi all robed up

the family

mummy dearest

the bestest of pals- nanabanana :)

progress pics

2006-10-15T08:11:00.000+08:00

its been some time since i posted some progress pics...so here goes.

Before (Jan '06) :

Now (Sep '06):

splurge fest

2006-10-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

did indeed go to jb today and (finally) got waxed. the lady who did it was so friendly (which is important cos it distracts from the oh-so-hot wax being applied to oh-so-delicate areas) and quick. but the more exciting part of the day came later when i did a spot of shopping at city square mall. bought a pair of levis! not exactly the pair i've been eyeing but pretty cool too. and guess what? they're a size 31 baby!ok so they're a wee bit low cut where a large part of my belly is kinda hanging out, but the lady at the store said they expand with use and then i'll be able to hike em up a little higher then. i'm wearing em as we speak, to help this along somewhat. i now get what the big hoo ha bout levis is. it like magically sucks u in in places u have to be sucked it, whilst moulding to every other part, and almost instantly u've lost like 10 ponds. but i was surprised to discover that in singapore the largest size for women is 30. i mean like hellooo, 30 is so itty-bitty. at least it seems that way to me. it seems so unfair to keep this magic denim frm the ppl who would benefit it the most!so yay for malaysia who go up to 32 (only for two designs tho.

i also bought a ballerina-inspired pair of flats in a silvery gray. also got some stuff for my mum and bro, as well as some yummy cakes . all in all blew like 250 bucks, which is like 1/2 of what i earned last month. oh! and i also got this really cool swimsuit for just 7 dollars!

returned home and rested for a few hours before heading to the salon near home to wash n blow my hair in prep for tomorrow's convocation ceremony (its blowed straight-ish). get this, the ceremony's not till 1 but we've gotta be there at 10 for rehearsals n stuff. talk bout being kiasu. i was thinking bout wearing my tommy mary-janes but i'll probably have to keep my teeth clenced thru most of the ceremony to keep from whimpering, so i think i'll go with these pointy kitten heels i've got. i'm so over the pionty thingy tho. oh well. all in the name of comfort i guess.

TOM dropped by for a visit yesterday, so i'm not fasting. thank god for panadol cos its keeping the cramps in-check. in a weird sorta way i relish the cramps cos its reaffirmation of me being fully functional, which i haven't been in a while, what with the excess weight causing my hormones to go bonkers n all.

my mother has been fussing quite a bit bout my eating. its so amusing for her to think i'm in danger of being anorexic. i know for a fact that i'm never gonna go down that path, cos a) i happen to like my food to much and b) i like working out and i need the food to keep me going. but i do admit that sometimes of late i have been too exhausted to eat much.

i'll post the photos of tomorrow's ceremony as well as maybe some of today's purchases. for the moment my eyelids seem to be losing their battle with gravity. i'm out, quite literally.

midweek madness (well not really)

2006-10-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

went for that jog i've been planning earlier this evening. my brother came along. we jogged along this deserted road behind our house. the weather was great...slightly breezy and no sign of the the haze. i ran 7 'laps' along the road and walked 2. was slightly uncomfortable throughout tho cos the pasta i had eaten an hour an a half ago was sitting rather heavily in my stomach. i didn't feel as tired as i usually do afterwards so i think its shorter than i'm used to. or maybe having my brother there made it less tedious.

my mother is concerned that i'm not eating enough. but she's probably making comparisons with the amount of food that i'd usually consume during fasting. but to appease her i had half a veg sandwhich when i returned frm the run.

another thing i've noticed is that during this fasting period my weight varies quite noticeably throughout the day. weighed myself at 4ish this evening and the scale read 65kg. i couldn't really believe it, so i tried again after breaking fast and the scale read 66.5kg. the weightloss has been quite dramatic these few weeks tho i haven't been working out particularly hard. i hope i'm not losing too much muscle.

sunday's my grad ceremony. haven't quite decided what to wear yet but it has to be a white top and black bottoms.i know what ur thinkng, how boring right? have to go hunting in the back of my wardobe again. might go to jb on sat depending on how tired i feel.i'm so glad the weekend is almost here...

How Liza Got Her Waist Back

life and dealing with it

dinner

baby steps

simple equation

baker's delight...NOT!

how i wanna live my life

inspiration

trying to focus on the journey, not the destination

new year, new beginings

sweating up a storm

the wedding cronicles

striking a pose

my weekend

where'd february go?

quickie

the bearable lightness of being...

sore n satisfied

still here

Love is....

vivo-ed out

tired

feeling the love

taking baby steps to becoming a domestic diva

the in-laws

the registration (the day i became a mrs)

meet and greet

almost time

working on my fitness

viva la france!

rediscovering my pain thresholds

happy days

working girl

auckland adventures

be still my beating heart

life altering decisions n such

been a while my loves

running with it

humblest apologies

heading in the right direction

take your mama out

anniversary

somewhat overdue

(trying) to get my groove on in the mornings

fringe benefits?

happy birthday mummy!

the kind of wisdom i could do without

*sniffle*

unexpected surprise

the usual mid-week mayhem

he da man

getting back in the groove

sore is just a state of mind

my name is liza and i'm a shopaholic

he's gone away..to become a fireman

23rd birthday!

23rd birthday (part 2)

23rd birthday (part 3)

happy 2007!

2a.m. musings

indoor fun

family reunion

merry christmas!

playing dress-up

its all in the face

girls' night out

feeling the boogie woogie rhythm

recharging the 'ol batteries

having me some retail therapy

not such a fatty

the runnings

concert day- part one

concert day- part two

out about town

milestone

of cpr and arranged marriages

self-love

spot the difference

happy feet

excuse me, ms betty crocker?

sniffle